Discovering Why Mitt Romney Lies So Much

Mitt. Oh, Mitt. Whatever became of you, anyhow? Please tell us that what we see in you today is not really who you are. Blame it on your advisers or your campaign staff or your speechwriters, if you must. Heck, say you were brainwashed. Say anything.
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Mitt. Oh, Mitt. Whatever became of you, anyhow? How did you go from being the guy I voted for as governor of Massachusetts to a guy who is this unrepentant and embarrassing liar? I just feel so sad to see a once-decent fellow prostitute himself so blatantly at every turn, willing to say anything that might possibly eke out one more vote. Such total debasement of yourself, Mitt. How can you stand it?

I mean, what do you tell your children? They are smart enough to know you can't produce 12 million jobs just by saying you will. Surely they know the numbers in your tax-cut budget just don't add up. And it must hurt when they see all these top auto executives publicly laughing in your face at your ridiculous lies about the Jeep and China. What do you say to them? Seriously. What do you tell them? Do you make up some lies for them, too?

Wow. All of a sudden, I wonder what you'd say to your dad! Do you realize that if George Romney were still CEO of an automobile manufacturer that he -- a man of innocent honesty -- would probably have to join his colleagues in calling you a liar? Calling out his own son, in public, to condemn your disgraceful and persistent inability to respect the truth? Even about his very own business, the one that made you a rich kid?

But maybe you've long since had to look the other way whenever your dad pops up. You saw him go from popular CEO to popular governor of Michigan where everybody loved him and reelected him with huge majorities. And you were such a massive disappointment to those of us who elected you governor of Massachusetts. You slunk out of office after one term when your approval rating was, what, something like 34 percent? That must have hurt. And the comparison with your dad must have made it hurt even more.

Oh my God! It's just dawning on me. Your dad ran for president, and one day, in explaining his prior stance on Vietnam, he confessed something that was painfully true: "I was brainwashed." That was the beginning of the end of your father's presidential bid. He washed himself out by speaking the truth.

Did you shudder as your dad blew his big shot at becoming the leader of the free world because he was stupid enough to be honest about something? Did you decide at that moment that you would never, ever let speaking the truth get in your way? Is that when, and why, you now find it perfectly sensible to lie through your teeth about anything and everything, just so long as you don't blow your own last shot at the Oval Office? Of course. Of course.

Oh, Mitt. Oh, I do understand how that could have happened. But please, son, for the love of God don't let it end this way. Don't let yourself remain an object of pity by all who once respected you, who wish better for you, who wish better for the father of your children and the husband of your wife. Long after this election is over, you will have to live with your family. And with yourself, the guy you shave every morning.

Time is running out. There are still a few hours left on Election Day. Please tell us that what we see in you today is not really who you are. Blame it on your advisers or your campaign staff or your speechwriters, if you must. Heck, say you were brainwashed. Say anything.

Oh, no. Sorry. That's what you already do. Well, you know what I mean, Mitt. Just, like, disavow some big lie and apologize for it. Confess that you realize that the way Obama saved the auto industry was, actually, the only way it could have happened. Or that Jeep production will not be shifted to China. Tell us you got carried away with the excitement and the ambition. Tell us you just wanted it so much that you lost your bearings for a minute. It would be the truth. We could all identify. We could all understand. We could even sympathize.

Some of us would even forgive you.

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