Royal Baby Not a Royal Pain Anymore

Photo by: KGC-42/STAR MAX/IPx 3/27/15 Catherine The Duchess of Cambridge visits the Stephen Lawrence Centre in Deptford. (Lon
Photo by: KGC-42/STAR MAX/IPx 3/27/15 Catherine The Duchess of Cambridge visits the Stephen Lawrence Centre in Deptford. (London, England, UK)

Back when the world was expecting the Royal Heir of 2013, I was still in the midst of grieving over my own childlessness-not-by-choice. Around that time, I would approach each April bracing myself for another Mother's day without a child of my own, and I would bristle when my manicurist casually asked me if I had kids, but none of that did me in. I was OK. I was, thank goodness, past the super-sensitive phase of my grief when it felt like the whole world was one big glowing and ouchy reminder of what I didn't have and what I most wanted. During that time, I remember feeling as if every person I saw was a product of a totally normal and natural biological act that I had not been able to complete -- and basically to see a human was a reminder of my failure. Happily, this was a short-lived period of extreme sensitivity. The point is that grief changes, and eventually, grief dissipates.

This time, for example, the Royal baby buzz doesn't seem to be as fevered as it was the first time round, or maybe it is just where I am. I have gotten to the phase of my recovery where seeing babies no longer breaks my heart. I can see them, enjoy them, coo over their chubby cheeks and even hold one without dissolving into a big royal train wreck. I even actually don't always mind handing them back to their mothers when they start to fuss and cry.

I haven't actually kept up with this Royal pregnancy. I think I read something about how Kate had suffered terrible morning sickness again, which sounds awful. I don't envy her that, but the bigger truth is that I don't envy her, full stop. And that is what I am really writing to tell you -- what this post is really about. It's to tell you that if you are childless-not-by-choice, and you are in the midst of your grief, I want you to know that you very likely won't always feel as sad as you do now and that a day will come where you will see pregnant woman and babies without feeling like you just got socked in the ovaries. It will happen.

And I am also here to tell you that it takes more then time to heal these wounds: it takes grieving, and processing, and a whole lot of work, but you can get there. If I can get here you can get here. Maybe you can't imagine that you will ever get to that place if you just found out that yet another IVF round didn't lead to conception, but someday soon when Prince Harry and Princess Name-Yet-To-Be-Determined have their first Royal bundle you will be where I am and you will remember that I told you that you too would no longer be aching as you were, and that you would move on from your grief to create a happy and meaningful life with or without kids.