Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Accused of Playing "Identity Politics"


'Shouts of glee' have devolved into 'rants of resentment.' Despite evidence to the contrary, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer stands accused of playing 'identity politics.' His position as sleigh guide is in jeopardy this Christmas.

In the past, the flying reindeer have denied unconventionally-nosed reindeer equal opportunities. Rudolph's efforts changed that. Now, flying reindeer, elves, and all other personnel at Santa's workshop represent a broader base that reflects the North Pole's population.

This hasn't sat well with the old reindeer guard.

Prancer has been the most vociferous. "Rudolph is always yammering, 'red-nose-this-and-red-nose-that,' 'rights for Abominable Snow Monsters,' 'save the misfit toys.' Blah blah blah. We are sick of his nutcracking. Santa's sleigh is our birthright. Why should he get special attention?"

The irony of this narrative is not lost on Rudolph. "I am caught in headlights. I just don't get it. They used to laugh. They use to call me names. They wouldn't let me join in any reindeer games. Yet that foggy Christmas Eve instead of holding a grudge I took the reins, lit the way, and saved Christmas. Instead of gratitude, they act like I ran over someone's grandma."

"All I've ever wanted was to be included, to contribute, and for toys to get delivered to every girl and boy," he continued. "Now I'm being ousted. This is not at all how I wanted to go down in history."

Image: Line art drawing of caribou, released into the public domain by its author, Pearson Scott Foresman, via Wikimedia Commons.