All T, all shade. I am the biggest queen for drag queens and I live for "RuPaul's Drag Race."
And I know I'm not the only one.
I've seen you at the gay bars, watching Drag Race, hollering at the television, shrieking "Werk!" every 10 seconds, making that stank face when Willam puked and then falling off your chair 'cause you were gagging (not like Willam, though!) over the lip-sync between Sharon Needles and Phi Phi O'hara, holding your breath to see who Ru would send home, finding out neither of them would sashay away 'cause Willam did something and got kicked off the show. That's never happened before!
*Heavy breaths* *Pulling hair out* *Crying*
K. Fine. That was me a year ago and nothing has changed. But I know my Drag Race enthusiasm isn't unique. I mean, we really are the best fans in the world.
You hear that, Ryan Seacrest? (He did.)
So I got to live every Drag Race fan's dream last night when I got the chance to mingle and rub shoulders with drag royalty at the Drag Race Season Five finale party at XL Nightclub in NYC.
Three words: I. WAS. GAGGING (duh!)
Let me start by sharing with you the highlight of my evening:
"So how are you doing? How are you feeling tonight?" me to Detox.
"I am a little hung over," Detox's response.
"Ah. I haven't had a drink yet!" my reply back to Detox.
Get this. Detox then let me take a sip out of her drink!
I know, right?
After that amazing introduction, Detox and I chatted about a few things, including how she was rooting for her partner-in-crime Roxxxy Andrews to win the crown (no surprise there) and her "I've had it," no bullshit attitude.
"I don't care how people feel about me," she said. "'Cause I know the truth and I'm fine with it."
Detox, along with Drag Race season four favorite Willam (who was on hand last night, but I didn't get a chance to speak with, just yelled at her and she yelled back at me!) and Vicky Vox, who are collectively known for their parody hits like "Chow Down (at Chick-fil-A)" and most recently "Boy Is A Bottom," released their latest single Monday called "Silicone," which parodies Robyn's "Dancing On My Own."
As for Vicky Vox, the only queen of the hilarious trio to not yet be on Drag Race, "Season six or bust," Detox said of her friend Vicky being on the show. "If she's not on season six, I will kill everybody."
Now my pleasant surprise of the evening was meeting and talking with Roxxxy Andrews, whom I didn't like for all the same reasons other people didn't like her.
She was a bully on the show. But when I asked Roxxxy about that, she completely owned up to it and said that she regrets being so tough on Jinkx.
"You should feel strong enough in what you do and not have to belittle anyone else," Roxxxy said. "We're all human and we all make mistakes and we have to grow from them."
In fact, Roxxxy said that if she didn't win, she'd want Jinkx Monsoon to be crowned America's Next Drag Superstar, saying that Jinkx is just great at what she does.
Honestly, coming from someone who thought Roxxxy was a bitch, she really was sweet and came off very genuine. Might I add, she was also gorgeous up close!
Where my people at? (I had to.)
Just across from Roxxxy was none other than Alaska. You could spot her just by her gigantic blonde wig. And what was she wearing?
"This is couture hefty," Alaska told me while showing off her garbage bag gown.
After all, she is the queen that takes trash and turns it into treasure.
When I asked the queen from Pittsburgh about the cattiness this season, especially coming from other members of Rolaskatox, Alaska said that it's all part of drag and it's not to be taken seriously.
"We're drag queens, I mean, we're awful people," Alaska joked. "Being mean to each other is part of being respectful to each other. You read the people you love."
Alaska told me that she'll be playing Dr. Frank-N-Furter in the Rocky Horror Picture Show in October and wants to make music and act.
"I want to make music for gay people," she said.
Now, full disclosure. I am #TeamJinkx but the one queen I was looking forward to talking to the most and whom I absolutely love is Alyssa Edwards.
I relate to her sense of humor. Like, you know when you find yourself laughing hysterically at your own jokes partly because you could care less that people think you're crazy? That's Alyssa! And I love her for that!
After bonding over our shared eccentricity and her getting pulled away twice for photos, I asked Alyssa about being labeled a pageant queen to which she said she knew her strength was not sewing clothes (Santino clocked Alyssa for having the worst outfit on Drag Race herstory) or performing in an acting challenge, but that her being on stage and lip-synching is what got her on the show.
And I'm with her. Alyssa had some of the best lip-syncs on the show ever. You saw that twirling jump into a split she did, right?
Despite what aired on the show, Alyssa offered her pick for the crown.
"I will say that I latched onto Jinkx this year," she said. "Jinkx taught me, throughout my time on the show, that you don't have to be so literal and that you don't have to be one style of drag and I appreciate that. She's a true artist and she has her own style of art and I live for an entertainer who lives it, loves it, rocks it and owns it."
Aw. Always and forever, Alyssa Edwards!
And finally, the winner herself: Jinkx Monsoon.
I have to say, Jinkx is as lovely, sweet and humble as you'd expect in person, and she looked magical last night, wearing a beautiful princess pink dress.
"I think I surprised myself more than anyone else," Jinkx said. "My goal was just to make it to snatch game and perform as Little Edie and then everything after that, I told myself that I'm going to do my best."
I wanted to ask Jinkx about how she's already become a role-model to so many kids and she said that she thinks about her little brother, who's 15 and a freshman in high school.
"I didn't set out to be a role model," Jinkx said. "But I love that I've been given the opportunity to spread my message, which is don't let the weight of the world flatten your sprit and don't let other people's bitchiness turn you into a bitch and just remember who you are at all times."
Spoken like a true champion.
So there you have it, squirrel friends.
Another season of Drag Race has come to an end. And until season six, get off your laptop and go walk children in nature, as Ru said.