Are we still talking about this whole phone-hacking scandal at News Corp.? That's such old news.
Tapping into the voicemails of major political figures and murder victims? Everybody did it. Top executives at one of the world's largest media companies arrested? A few bad apples. A cover-up that reaches the highest levels of the British government and law enforcement? Trumped-up charges from jealous rivals. Pie throwing in Parliament? OK, that guy must be a terrorist. Good thing Wendi clocked him.
You want Congress to investigate what News Corp. might have done in the United States? Are you some kind of Marxist?
Let's get back to what really matters. Profits are up at News Corp. And, as Rupert Murdoch assured investors yesterday, "There can be no doubt about our commitment to ethics and integrity."
No Diggity, No Doubt
No doubt, indeed. Besides "fair and balanced," I can't think of two words that better describe Murdoch and News Corp. than "ethics and integrity."
Let's consider the best examples of Murdoch's commitment right here in the United States:
- According to a New York Times investigation, News America Marketing, a News Corp. subsidiary that places ads in grocery stores, "has come under scrutiny for a pattern of conduct that includes below-cost pricing, paying customers not to do business with competitors and accusations of computer hacking." So far, says the Times, Murdoch has shelled out roughly $650 million to make legal problems at News America Marketing disappear. Name another company that places such a high price on maintaining its "integrity."
That last tidbit came out just yesterday. It practically oozes ethics and integrity. (Bonus points: Dinh was the mastermind behind the Patriot Act -- meaning the guy who opened the door to wireless wiretapping is in charge of investigating News Corp.'s phone hacking.) And I could probably list dozens of more examples. Feel free to name your favorites in the comments.
But like I said, there's really nothing to see here. It's time for Congress to go back and name post offices or whatever it is it does best. Let's just sweep this whole "scandal" under the rug and move along to some real news already.
Now, let's get on to the really important matters. What's the wacky Sarah Palin doing in Iowa? I wonder if she'll eat the fried butter? And didn't you hear there's a girl missing in Aruba? And what about that hip-hop-barbecuing Obama? Did we ever get a really close look at his birth certificate?
What's that you say? Someone might have hacked the phones of 9/11 victims' families? And you heard the FCC is about to review those media-ownership rules again?
Hey! Look over there ...
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