Rush Limbaugh’s Lesbian Farmer Fantasy

Me and Rush may have totally different visions in mind for the upcoming lesbian farmer apocalypse.
Me and Rush may have totally different visions in mind for the upcoming lesbian farmer apocalypse.

It appears from Rush Limbaugh’s latest anti-gay rant that his pill-popping days are far from over. During his Aug. 17 radio show, he warned his listeners to beware of an impending invasion of redneck towns by government-contracted lesbian farmers.

“Here comes the Obama regime with a bunch of federal money and they’re waving it around,” claimed Limbaugh. “And all you gotta do to get it is be a lesbian and want to be a farmer and they’ll set you up.”

Gasp!

I don’t know about my fellow lesbians in the community, but there’s nothing more I want to do than put my 56 flannel shirts to use by matching them with a pair of cowboy boots and heading on out to Illinois to grow tomatoes and spread the seeds of homosexuality. It’s always been my dream.

Well, that and recruiting children to be part of my gay cult. But there’s only so much time in a day.

According to Limbaugh, the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Office of Civil Rights hosting the 15th annual Nationwide LGBT Rural Summit in Iowa this year equates to President Obama starting a subsidy program for “lesbian and transgender hillbillies” to take over right-wing farm states.

Typical Obama.

This is just like that time he contracted strippers to take over Catholic pre-school teaching positions.  He just won’t stop with his liberal, perverted agenda!

Newsflash, Rush. This is all a figment of your imagination. All of it. Whatever medication you are taking is stronger than anything any lesbian farmer could grow.

And yes, I’m talking about marijuana.

Also, holy crap. A lesbian pot farm is the perfect setting for my next porn film that I am obviously making because I, like every other gay person, am a sex-crazed maniac. I imagine lots of hoes and hog-tying are going to be used in the making of this movie. But I digress. 

I mean, listen to Rush when he details our partnered efforts with Obama to make all of America gayer than Greenwich Village during Pride week.

“They’re going after every geographic region that is known to be largely conservative,” Limbaugh warned. “They never stop, folks. They are constantly on the march.”

First of all, I don’t march. I sashay. Because I’m fierce and I wear heels just as well as I wear Birkenstocks.

And secondly, it doesn’t matter who grows vegetables. I still won’t eat them. Wake me up when gay men start being subsidized for raising cattle.

 

*Disclaimer: All stereotypical language used in this piece was used to mock Rush Limbaugh and other conservatives who believe in the gay typecast.  If you are offended, please return to your regular schedule of commenting on Facebook and Youtube posts.

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