Russia’s Master Plan: Hack the Academy Awards, Make “La La Land” Best Picture

 Both the CIA and FBI have confirmed that Russia’s ultimate goal is to rig the upcoming Academy Awards ceremony and make sure that the musical La La Land wins the top accolade as Best Picture. “Clearly, the 2016 election was really just a warm-up for Vladimir Putin’s most insidious plot,” says security analyst Jeremy LaFondue. “What better way could there be to highlight American weakness than by making sure its biggest film prize goes to a boring musical about self-absorbed characters played by actors who can’t sing or dance?”

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences denies that La La Land’s nominations were rigged, although seventeen federal intelligence agencies proved that China had a hand in the movies Crash and Birdman winning Best Picture in, respectively, 2006 and 2015. “Of course, compared to La La Land,” says LaFondue, “those films are The Godfather I and II.” President Donald Trump weighed in on the controversy, tweeting: “Paul Blart: Mall Cop TOTALLY IGNORED this year by Oscar losers. UNFAIR!”

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