Sanders Introduces Bill to Register Idiots in Response to Trump's Call to Register Muslims

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Photographer: Gage Skidmore

The furor over Donald Trump's call for a National Registry of Muslims escalated today as Democrats hit back with a call for a different kind of National Registry -- this time, one for "Idiots."

The idea was introduced by Senator Bernard Sanders, in the form of emergency legislation, which he called "The Enough of Idiots, Already!" bill.

While speaking at a campaign rally in Upshit Creek, Iowa, Sanders said: "Folks, these are insane times and we need to act to protect America from all the idiots in this country who are terrorizing us with their stupidity on a daily basis. I hope therefore that all members of Congress with active brain cells -- and I accept there may not be many -- will support this bill so we can root out these extreme dimwits and keep America safe from them, ASAP."

Sanders's proposed legislation lays out all instances that would allow the Feds to categorize someone as an "Idiot". They include calling for all U.S. Muslims to be registered with the government, comparing Syrian refugees to rabid dogs, demanding the abolition of the I.R.S, denying climate change in the face of all the science, and failing to support gun control despite evidence that Americans are using guns to slaughter each other by the thousands every year.

If it becomes law, the bill would create a "National Registry of Idiots," which would list all known "Idiots" and detail their full names, addresses and idiotic comments. This, Sanders says, would enable members of the general public to discover just how many halfwits live in their neighborhoods and take immediate evasive action to protect themselves.

Support for the bill was widespread among Democrats. In a statement from the White House, President Obama said: "I fully approve of Bernie Sanders' legislation, and to be honest, the very fact that he had to introduce it, is a sign of just how serious the problem of radical idiotism is in America today!

And while I really believe in the Constitution and would never do anything to compromise the freedoms it affords our people, I think it's time we gave the NSA, CIA and FBI the ability to listen to the phone calls of anyone suspected of being a douffus, search their houses without a warrant, read their emails 24 hours a day, and monitor their social media channels for any indication whatsoever of an impending attack of douffus-ness. Just like we do with all our other citizens, in fact!"

Hillary Clinton also came out strongly in support of Sanders' bill, and actually used it as a platform to reinforce her credentials for the Presidency. In an interview on Fox News' Really, Really Bad State of the Union, she said: "America undoubtedly needs a President who knows how to deal with this country's idiot problem, and there's no one better in that regard than me, folks. I have after all been living with Bill all these years, and if that doesn't qualify me to deal with idiots, I don't know what does!"

In stark contrast, almost all Republicans politicians criticized the bill vehemently -- calling it among other things "crazy", "stupid", "nuts" and a "barely concealed attempt to identify Republican voters all over the country".

However, in a break with his G.O.P colleagues, Donald Trump endorsed the bill without reservation. Displaying his usual total lack of self-awareness, he said: "I think Bernie's bill is a great idea. And I look forward to that dolt Carson being registered as an "Idiot" shortly!"