Santa Claus' "Naughty/Nice" List Released by Wikileaks

Santa Claus' "Naughty/Nice" List Released by Wikileaks
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The "Naughty vs Nice" files maintained by Santa Claus ahead of his annual Christmas gift-giving flight around the globe are the latest documents released by self-proclaimed "whistleblower," Wikileaks.

The file is divided into a "naughty list," for children who misbehaved or treated people badly, who are therefore less deserving of presents; and a "nice list," which includes an inventory of gifts for children whose actions fall under the rubric of "good."

The confidentiality of the file is considered vital to a Christmas season filled with joy, surprises and holiday cheer.

Santa Claus - known in some countries as Father Christmas, Kris Kringle or St. Nicholas- reacted with fury at the leak.

"That's it. Assange is on the permanent 'naughty' list," he fumed from his North Pole workshop. "No more Swedish women for him!"

In one key entry, Santa is revealed to have written "very deserving," next to a letter to "S. Clause," written by a 7 year-old boy from Denver, who requested a sled for Christmas. In a special notation section, Claus is revealed to have written, "Worked very hard on spelling."

In another, however, a 12 year-old girl's request for an I-Touch will go unanswered. "Mean to girls in the hallway at school," says the special notation.

None of the children's names were redacted by Wikileaks, leading to concerns the children will be singled out for mockery in schools already fearful of bullying, both in person and online.

The Huffington Post has chosen not to publish these names to protect the children's privacy.

"It's wrong to say that we 'targeted' Claus," said Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, contacted while in hiding. "His organization, which is really more of a Christmas-cabal, has a virtual monopoly on flying reindeer and skilled-elves, and deploys what appears to be an entirely arbitrary system for categorizing the world's children."

"It's that type of secrecy we think is important to unveil to the public eye," Assange said.

Claus - the jolly, old fat man, typically seen wearing a red suit - works all year in preparation for the evening of December 24th, in which he brings gifts to children the world over. His North Pole residence is also home to more than a dozen flying reindeer, and scores of elves - whose work ranges from crafting toys to helping maintain the "Naughty vs. Nice" list.

"We think the file was exploited when we updated from dusty, old ledger books to a Windows-based server system," said Alabaster Snowball, the elf in charge of administering the system.

"But if we can't do our work with absolute confidentiality, then why would children even wake up early on Christmas to find out what they received?"

Disappointment by children around the world has many elves fearful of a "milk and cookies backlash." With lowered anticipation, elves are concerned that fewer kids will leave holiday treats for Claus.

"Those cookies represent the carb-and-sugar load he needs to get through the night," Snowball said.

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