Sarah Palin: Below-Average American

An as-yet-to-be-authenticated, high school transcript of Sarah Palin's was posted on Gawker Thursday, and it's a doozy. The report shows Palin's GPA for that grading period as a 2.2, her lowest score being a D in Foreign Language class (which seems a bit too on-the-nose). It also says that she earned 3 C's and 2 B's.

The real shocker is her SAT score, also listed in the report. Apparently, Sarah Palin scored an 841 out of 1600 (the maximum of the old point-system). It goes without saying that if I had brought home that SAT score when I was a senior in high school, I would have been disowned. My mom would've painstakingly cut me out of each and every photo with her sewing scissors the way she did friends she was no longer speaking to. I would have become that circular void in photo albums, a hole in the Olan Mills family portrait, excised like cancer.

But, hey, that's just me, your average arugula-munching, Ivy League-attending, elitist American asshole, talkin'. And, I mean, compared to people who didn't have Hardass Asian Parents Psychotically Obsessed with Education, maybe Sarah Palin's sucky SAT score is A-OK. She is, after all, just an average American. She shouldn't be expected to have scored a 1590, like Bill Gates did. Or a 1355, like Al Gore, someone who actually held the position Palin is vying for. Or a 1206, like...President George W. Bush. Or even, say, a 1080, like Kobe Bryant. Am I right? (Click here to see other famous people's SAT scores. James Woods is an SAT genius, btw.)

Maybe it's even unreasonable to expect Sarah Palin's SAT score to be better than the national average--997 combined--in 1982, the time this alleged transcript was issued. In which case, cool. I can accept that. Because Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, smart and dumb, et al., and I love Jesus. But if this below-average report card turns out to be real, is it too much to ask that Palin stop lying about being so "average"?

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