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Sarah Palin Responds: What I Mean When I Say What I Try To Mean (<em>Satire</em>)

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I mean, what honest woman doesn't have a bad hair day now and then, so that's all I was trying to say about my crossed hairs and keeping them in sight, but you know how they twist and turn your words against you along with your hair when you're in my position which is where I am.

And while I'm on the subject, let me tell you that acts of monstrous criminality sure do stand on their own, but that when journalists and pundits manufacture this blood libel thing against me, they don't know what they're talking about because I have always used 100% pure Alaskan moose blood when I bake my matzohs, and you can ask my children, because they've been on helicopter hunts and bake-offs with me many times with other real Americans, which is why I keep saying that Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan, if you get what I'm saying about someone who knew about law abiding citizens who respectfully exercise their first amendment rights at campaign rallies.

Talk about humane Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan, and that's what I'm about as a hunter because if you knock off a moose or a colleague with an AK-47 or a rapid-fire clip from a Glock, you know the object of your attention and aim won't know what hit him or her or it -- and I say these words with all respect for gender, one of which I myself am -- and that's what hunting and human kindness for receiving God's blessing is all about, to make the earth and its resources and animals and pretty darn near everything so we could be free and others, human or critter, can avoid suffering if we have the right to choose.

Which brings me to foundational freedoms and back to those cross hairs that get all you pundits and journalists upset, and it just shows you how the irresponsible assignment of blame to me, Sarah Palin or the Tea Party movement by commentators and elected officials puts all who gather to redress grievances or get their hair on right in danger. We who are working to keep us free and celebrate the greatness of our country don't have time the way some people do for living under hair dryers, so we get crossed hairs sometimes, and then, keeping others in sight because we're not ashamed to have our hair go this way and that once in a while, we use our own household domestic American hair dryers no matter where they make them, and if the circuits get overloaded, why we have to reload, and that's what I meant when I said it's a blood libel against me.

Because President Obama and his lady Michelle may not agree on everything, but I know they and Michelle if they could get over themselves would join with me in saying that crossed hairs if you have straight hair the way some of us do can knock a hole in your day or your head, so that's all I mean when we say 'take up our arms' Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan, because we're talking about ordinary American frustration, and being full of passion and how we settle our different styles of hair respectfully.

And it's the same, as I was propositioning, with foundational freedoms, because if you don't lay a good foundation of your choice -- whether Avon or Helena Rubeinstein or Wal-Mart's Best Lady -- on before you get started, then where are you? And from where I am, I can sometimes see the Holy Land and Arizona too because of my faith that God is part of all of us, whatever faith anyone else has like mine, and that makes me feel close to some of my closest friends who know what I was trying to mean when I meant what I said.

Because we all have blood if we're living Americans, even Jews, and I defy anyone of whatever political or genderical persuasion, to prove otherwise who try to use my cross hairs and put them on maps of swinging districts -- because my children and family notwithstanding, I have never been a swinging vote, or a chad, on either side of both sides of the aisle, which would only serve to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn.

That is reprehensible, and if a woman can't on a nationally and personally tragic occasion like this admit she has a cross hair problem and target a solution, which could even mean leaving your job mid-stream with the courage of your conviction because this is what America is about -- doing what you want whenever the heck you want it -- then where are we in this great democratic process Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan of trying to mean what we say when we are attacked with shootings that should begin and end with the criminals who commit them, not collectively with all the citizens of a state given that violence and the death and maiming of good, innocent people aren't a true sign of crisis but of why -- my major point in making videos -- every American's hair, like mine, is exceptional.