Satanist Really Appreciates The New Starbucks Holiday Cups

As long as they're capable of holding the darkest brew that man can concoct.

This fall, Starbucks has altered their holiday cup design to reflect a more inclusive attitude toward their customers' religious beliefs, trading the traditional snowflakes and elves for a simpler red.

Though the change was met with criticism by many Christians, devoted Satan-worshipper Arnold Gregory welcomes the move. 

"It's good to feel included," said Gregory, donning a ritual mask of his own design.

The 32-year-old says he's noticed the service at his local Starbucks has also gotten much quicker in recent weeks.

"Not sure what it is," he said, breathing heavily through the mask's mouth hole and speaking as a serpent might, "but they're great about getting me in and out as quickly as possible." 

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