“PBS NewsHour” anchor Judy Woodruff (played by Heidi Gardner) took a hard look at three wild GOP candidates ahead of the midterms in the “Saturday Night Live” cold open. But “SNL” saved its special killer vitriol for Kari Lake (Cecily Strong) in her race to become governor of Arizona.
Strong’s Lake arrogantly explained she’s ahead in the polls because “I’m normal, Judy. I’m just a hometown gal, constantly in soft focus and lit like a ’90s Cinemax softcore.”
And “nothing I say can be incendiary because I say it in TV voice,” added “Lake,” a former local news anchor.
Frankly, “Lake” noted, “I’ve just clicked with many of the wonderful, terrified elderly people here in Arizona, the Florida of the West.”
Quizzed on her lies about a rigged presidential election, Strong angrily snapped: “Can you media types just get over the one thing I’ve made the center of my campaign for months and months? Arizonans want to talk about the issues that affect them, like crime in New York, or crime in Detroit.”
The “most pressing” issue? Drag queen story time at libraries and bookstores: “Men dressed as loud, sassy women introducing children to the joys of reading? Not on my watch!” said the disgusted candidate.
“If the people of Arizona elect me, I’ll make sure they never have to vote ever again,” she vowed.
As for the “violence” of “crazy-eyed men in tactical gear waving assault rifles next to ballot boxes, that’s just Arizona, baby!”
“My name is Herschel Walker, Texas Ranger, and I’m running for president of the United Airlines,” he announced.
“The whole world is a mystery, ain’t it?” “Walker” admitted.
One place he seems to be holding his own is his support for banning abortion — even though two women have accused him of encouraging them to get abortions, and he reportedly paid for at least one of them.
“Like the great Trump Donald said, I could pay for an abortion in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose any voters,” sniggered Thompson’s Walker.
Mehmet Oz (Mikey Day) explained he knew he could win the U.S. Senate seat in Pennsylvania against Democrat John Fetterman, who suffered a stroke earlier this year, “if you’re fair, and if your opponent has a debilitating medical emergency. So, we’re very lucky.”
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