The universe is a crazy, chaotic place filled with dark matter, tiny dogs that bite your ankles, black holes, the McRib, holes in the ozone layer, Adam Sandler movies, imploding suns, and people from Boston. It can be a horribly dark and confusing. Yet, there are ways to use this to your advantage, especially around this time of year. Luckily, I have a degree in political science, an extensive knowledge of sci-fi, and a limited knowledge of science for you to explain away your potentially subpar gifts to friends, family, acquaintances you know through office Secret Santa, and that person you've been hooking up with for a few months (but you're not sure whether you should label it and the societal expectations of this holiday are really fucking up this casual thing you both have going).
The Multiverse
Quantum theorists have proposed that there may not be a singular universe, but we simply reside in one of an infinite number of universes or realities -- a multiverse. It's kind of like you thinking that you've been in an exclusive relationship only to learn that your other partner was under the assumption you were in an open relationship. Is it like that? Anyways, the theory states that anything that can happen will happen, if not in our universe then in another. So when you think about it, you have already given your intended gift recipient everything they ever could have wanted and to give them another gift would simply be redundant. Actually, in another universe, you have saved them from being murdered by the Backstreet Boys when they ascended to world supremacy. So why don't we all relax on this whole gift thing because we all have already received what we wanted. Except for me. this is actually the only universe in which I'm not married to Tinashe after winning the 17th season of America's Talented Voice Idol.
Schrodinger's Gift
Further evidence that things from Austria tend to be a little odd (Schwarzenegger, Hitler mustaches, Freud, wiener schnitzel), Austrian scientist Erwin Schrodinger's thought experiment was way too long to explain here but basically explains the idea that particles can act as both particles and waves until they are observed, in which case they choose a specific state. Implied is that, if something is small enough, the mere act of observation has an effect. Omitting the fact that this is a perfect time for a dick joke, we can apply this principle to Christmas. Tell your potential recipient that within the box there is either a beautiful blood diamond from Tiffany's jewelers or a $10 iTunes gift card. It is only by them not opening the box that they actually have both! Two gifts for the price of a $10 iTunes gift card! If they reply that the object isn't small enough to have quantum properties then repeat the aforementioned dick joke (I know you thought of it, you filthy animal) and bounce.
P.S. These are mostly bastardizations of great scientific theories. But luckily for you, if you're an American reader, the country is terrible at math and science! They'll be too intimidated by words like superposition to even question your facts. If you're in Sweden, then you're kinda fucked.
P.S.S. Jesus wasn't actually born on Christmas.
P.S.S.S I don't actually know what P.S. stands for.
P.S.S.S.S. I'm incredibly lazy because I could easily look up what P.S. stands for from the very computer I'm using to type out this but Jesus Christ, is there no mystery left in the world?
P.S.S.S.S.S. Life's kinda lonely sometimes, huh?