Parenting in age of iPads and “Fortnite” comes with a special challenge known as screen time. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends placing “consistent limits” on kids’ consumption of digital media, but exhausted parents have trouble making this work at times.
With that in mind, we’ve rounded up 45 funny and too-real tweets from parents about screen time struggles.
Pediatrician: They're only getting two hours of screen time a day, right?— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) May 5, 2017
Me: HAHAHAHA! I mean, yes.
Sure, I could parent without screen time. I could also churn my own butter, but let's not get crazy here.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 3, 2017
Me, to all my kids before the age of 2.— Ashnog ⚪️ (@adult_mom) October 23, 2015
"No screens allowed."
On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad.
"This is your mother now."
School: We're hosting a book fair to encourage more reading/less screen time— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 25, 2017
Me: What book did you pick?
7: Super Mario Skill Book
My kids made cardboard computers: I'm glad they're so imaginative and equally disturbed that even their creative play involves screen time.— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) April 21, 2017
Me: No screen time. Three is too young.— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) December 10, 2018
Me on an airplane: More. Plug him in. Yes hi flight attendant, do these seats come with a Matrix neck-jack
Took my son to the eye doctor & was asked “how much screen time do you allow?”— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) October 9, 2018
Liar level: EXPERT
I am trying to limit my kids' screen time, which is why today we're going to a movie.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 14, 2018
The cat keeps stepping on the surge protector switch and shutting off the television.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 29, 2018
My cat is better at enforcing screen time limits than I am.
You don't let your kids have screen time? That's cool. Tell me some other ways you enjoy punishing yourself.— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 10, 2017
Daytime parenting: strict screen time limits. 1hr only. Child must earn it.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) August 22, 2018
5am parenting (hands 4yo iPad): take this so I can sleep.
“No iPad. You guys have had plenty of screen time today!” she shouts, without looking up from her phone.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 29, 2018
"Well, if you don't, I'll take away your screen time."— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 10, 2017
- my family motto
I'm at my most hypocritical when telling my kids they've had enough screen time— The Dad (@thedad) August 18, 2018
Spend a few weeks with your kids making and distributing slime all over your house and you'll think, "screen time isn't so bad."— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 12, 2017
What does it mean that every time I ask my daughter what the best part of her day was, she says “screen time”?— Rachel Simmons (@RachelJSimmons) May 18, 2016
Yeah, I could restrict my kids' screen time, sure, but I just don't want to be the kind of parent who *limits* her children, ya know? Right, yeah, I want them to feel limitless, that's all...— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) June 29, 2018
What I say to my son: "Get dressed."— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) February 3, 2015
His interpretation: "Stand around naked watching television with one sock on."
Are we all done pretending we try to limit screen time?— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) September 22, 2016
Parenting today: Screen time that rots their brains or playtime that rots your house.— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 31, 2017
Me (taking away Ipad): "Too much screen time makes people stupid."— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) December 22, 2016
5yo: "Four plus four is eight!"
Random dad: Do you limit your kids' screen time?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2016
Me: I gave up.
Me: It increased their scream time.
According to my kids, their friends were all birthed into a golden land of endless dessert fields and flowing rivers of screen time.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) October 4, 2016
Me: (limits screen time)— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 10, 2018
[5 minutes later]
6: (gets a concussion)
Me: That’s it! Everyone back on their tablets!
Doctor: How much screen time does your child get every day?— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) August 14, 2018
Me: Hmmm let's see, he sleeps for about 8 hours, so that leaves...
Ah, morning: the sun is shining, the coffee's brewing, and your kids’ screen time for the day is still fresh enough that you haven’t started to feel guilty about it yet.— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 12, 2018
1st kid: No screen time except one hour of sesame street.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 29, 2016
By the 3rd kid: Let's schedule in some eye contact time with mom tonight ok?
I don't want to alarm anyone but I've been told about a serious situation where someone got 4.2 seconds more screen time than their sibling.— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) October 11, 2016
If humans do eventually merge with computers, one positive is that parents will no longer have to pretend like they maintain screen time limits for their kids— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) July 16, 2018
The most effective way I've found to limit screen time is to be too poor to afford cable or WiFi.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) August 29, 2017
Screen time report: My kids are watching increasingly insane and off-tune covers of "I Will Always Love You" on Youtube.— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) June 15, 2018
Me, to other parents: We try to limit screentime to two hours a day at most.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 12, 2018
Me, to my toddler: Here’s my Netflix password, don’t wake me before noon.
“Of course I limit screen time.” I say, turning off the television while my children continue to use their tablets.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 15, 2018
Oh yes plz parents of only 1 kid who is 3 months old, tell me more about the dangers of screen time, ur so superior and I await ur priceless knowledge and hard-won wisdom on this topic— Valerie 🎄🤶🏻 (@ValeeGrrl) April 21, 2018
School's almost out for summer. Gotta get my screen time plan and chore schedule in place and ready to be abandoned midway through week 2.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) May 18, 2017
Minimizing Your Kids' Screen Time While Maximizing Yours - a modern parenting handbook— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 2, 2017
Are my kids getting too much screen time? I’m not sure because I’ve been playing on my cell phone since 2007.— Court (@Discourt) February 16, 2017
“No, you can’t watch TV right now because too much screen time is bad for you,” I explain to my kids while browsing social media.— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) April 12, 2018
Which magical screenless device did you use to write that 50 page blog entry about the dangers of screen time?— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 22, 2014
"That's enough screen time!" I yell, like I didn't lie around watching MTV through the entirety of the 1990s.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) January 28, 2018
They say too much screentime is bad but my 3yo speaks like 10 different languages now.— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) February 20, 2018
Punished the kids* by taking away screen time.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 1, 2016
People who say we should limit screen time for our kids, what if you're just holding back evolution?— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 5, 2017