Seeking Clarity
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2009-03-27-ClearVision.jpgLast week as I went to wash my face before bedtime, I noticed that my right eye was bloodshot. Tired? Maybe. Too much computer time? Probably. But, I looked a little more closely and saw that along with the red, I also had a little white dot on the white part (sclera) of my eye. It looked like a pimple! This is something I had never seen or experienced before. I tried not to freak out, and immediately thought that it must be from the stress I was experiencing lately. A bit disturbed by this hopefully harmless growth in my eye, I decided I would wait until morning to see if there were any changes and if I needed to do anything.

I awoke to find the bloodshot and dot still there. My husband suggested that I call our doctor. In the past I have waited to call a doctor. I usually think that whatever I have will pass and that it's best to let things run their natural course. Additionally, I would rather avoid the unplanned expenditure.

As I wrestled with what to do, it dawned on me that in my meditations over the past few days, I had been asking for clarity. Clarity with a capital C. I was asking for the ability to see my purpose clearly so that I could take my next steps forward. It occurred to me that with this eye development, my body might be trying to tell me something. But what?

As a yoga teacher and all-around kinesthetic/experiential learner, I have often found that my greatest lessons and insights have come through the wisdom of my body. When I was in my 20s, I had incredible back pain that made it impossible for me to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time. The pain grew so excruciating that I eventually had to leave a desk job (that I actually adored) and many loved ones behind and went on the road to travel. Movement. Ahhhhh...

That single trip completely changed my perspective and outlook on life. It allowed me to move from a fairly small lens where I saw mostly what was right in front of me, to viewing with a much grander perspective where I started to glimpse not only the global, but the inter-connectivity of all life. A pretty big shift that my soul must have been calling for because as soon as I stepped foot on the airplane to head out on my journey, my back pain dissipated and I have not experienced anything like it ever since!

So I wonder with my eye condition... Am I being asked to reflect even more deeply than I already am about what I am not seeing? Must I somehow identify my blind spot? Is that possible? One friend thought I may be cleansing out things, metaphorically speaking, that are keeping me from seeing clearly. Like a purification.

Eventually I did go to the doctor and found out that there is a real name (which I can't spell, pronounce or even remember right now) to what I have and there are special drops for me to take to get rid of it.

With a couple days of drops in me, my eye is clearing and I have been breaking through incredible ground in areas that I have been avoiding for months. In some cases, years. While I still may have a little ways to go, my eyes are clearing physically and it feels to me, symbolically.

When you get symptoms of any kind, do you ever wonder if there is anything that may lie beneath the symptoms? Do you ever let them be a door to open you to something bigger?