Here is a question from one of my readers about overcoming self criticism:
Dear Maddisen:
When it comes to my career success, I find myself comparing myself to friends, colleagues, my family members -- just about everyone! I criticize myself and how I'm not as smart or capable, I don't belong in the game, blah, blah, blah. They think I'm an equal. Why don't I? How do I get this elephant off my chest? Help! SJ
Dear SJ,
Great question, thanks for asking it. Self-criticism is common, and I'm confident there are many, including myself, who can relate to what you are sharing. Self-criticism can constrict and shut off our creative thinking, and paralyze us from moving forward and taking constructive actions in our lives. Self-criticism is a waste of precious time. Let's talk more about all of this.
Our Thinking Habits
We each interpret our personal life experiences differently and in our own unique way, deciding and choosing, consciously and unconsciously -- to be responsible or a victim, or to become better or bitter -- as a result of our experiences.
How we view and evaluate our selves is largely influenced and established when we are very young and under the care and supervision of our parents and family members or adopted caregivers. Therefore, SJ, there's a good chance the formerly-unconscious habit of thinking that you are not as smart or capable as others, or don't belong -- began when you were a child based on your unique experiences and interactions.
Good News
The really good news: It is never too late for us to identify patterns of debilitating self-criticism and transform them into patterns of empowering self-esteem! We always have the freedom to choose better thoughts.
We take the first step to ending self-criticism simply by catching ourselves when we're having self-critical thoughts -- as demonstrated here by SJ. From here, the next step is to move into a new practice of self-respecting and self-empowering thoughts.
Your Positive Self-Concept -- Claim It Now
More really good news: There are many straightforward and effective tools available to all of us who are ready to take the next step in claiming our true nature -- our positive self-concept. Here are a few recommendations.
- Honoring the Self: Self-Esteem and Personal Transformation by Nathaniel Branden
- Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning
- Loyalty To Your Soul: The Heart of Spiritual Psychology by Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick
(I have learned a great deal from the Hulnicks, including self-forgiveness, which is also taught in this uplifting book.)
- Maximum Confidence: Ten Secrets of Extreme Self Esteem by Jack Canfield
- Self Esteem: Your Fundamental Power by Caroline Myss
- The Steve Chandler Ultimate Success Course (10 CD set)
- 100 Ways to Create Wealth (by Steve Chandler and Sam Beckford)
Life Coaches:
Another highly effective way to create lasting positive change in your life is to work with a personal life coach. I work with clients in Los Angeles and throughout the U.S., and internationally. Or if you already know of a life coach who you believe can help you make a lasting transition into your positive self-concept, contact them for information. Very often, coaches (including myself) offer an initial complimentary session to discuss the areas you wish to improve, working together, and fees.
We Have the Freedom To Choose Our Thoughts
The simple truth is this: Our self-concept is our destiny. So if we want to change our destiny for the better, we need to change our concept and beliefs about our selves also for the better. We always have the freedom to choose better thoughts.
And so, SJ and all my readers, if you are ready to honor and express your special skills and gifts, and your birthright to be an equal player in this miraculous game of life -- take your destiny in your own hands and start your positive self-concept training, so that your positive self-concept becomes your positive destiny. For the highest good of all.
"For good or for ill, self-concept is destiny." -- Nathaniel Branden
"In life, we do what we believe we can do. No more than that." -- Steve Chandler
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -- Siddhartha Gautama
From the heart,
Your Life Coach Maddisen
Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.
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