I think that most women today own a sex toy and a vibrator of some kind. (Look in your dresser drawer under the dust bunnies. I promise you it's there!) Most women know that it's really okay to touch ourselves "down there" and that touching ourselves will not cause us to go blind or meet the devil. So why aren't we doing it more? Like every single day?
Common Obstacles to Self Pleasuring:
1. The stop-gap for many women when it comes to actually giving themselves self pleasure through masturbation is usually more about time and space then anything else. It's simply hard to get privacy and time alone to dedicate ourselves to simply relax and enjoy our bodies. I get it. Right now, my son is visiting and between him and my husband -- who works from the home -- all I want is a little time alone in the house to be alone with my sex toys and my body.
2. Self pleasuring is not a "Couple's Thing" so asking for time alone in the bedroom to be sexy with yourself may feel challenging. Your partner may want to join you. You may feel embarrassed asking for "Private Self-Pleasuring Time".
3. You are simply not feeling turned on to the idea of self pleasuring. But you are curious about it.
4. You are in a self-pleasuring rut.
So let's get out of the rut and create the space! I have some tips for Badass Babes that want to get down with themselves for a change.
Sexy Tips For Getting it On with Yourself!
1. Throw everybody out of the house! That's right -- clear the decks. Doesn't your partner need to get some milk? Mow the lawn? Take in the dry cleaning? Send your partner on a mission that will take about an hour. Your partner needs a "to do" list.
2. If you are feeling really Badass, tell your family you need some alone time and not to bother you for an hour. Take over the bedroom or the bathroom. Run a tub!
3. Pull together a "Self-Pleasuring Kit".
Part One: Buy yourself a lovely sexy zipper or satchel bag and keep this in a place of importance so that you remind yourself that it's there. Fill this bag with your hot and essential self-pleasuring accessories. In my bag you will find an assortment of vibrators. I have several different LELO toys as they not only feel good, they are sexy and sleek in design. Just touching them and owning them turns me on. Find the toys and brands that rock you. Experiment. Think about all the parts of you when you create your bag. Do you like direct clitoral stimulation? How about internal? Do you like a dildo? Do you like toys that are hard or soft or that vibrate? Indulge yourself and experiment. Sex toys are more than "The Rabbit" and "The Hitachi" -- there is a brand new world of sexy toys out there so go exploring!
Part Two: Your kit needs lube because fingers and toys will give you way more pleasure with lubricant. Try Sex Butter which also has a mild stimulant in it, or Orange Blossom. Coconut oil also works but can stain the sheets!
Part Three: Make sure that you have music that you enjoy set up and in the kit, plus bathroom essentials if you plan on taking this to the tub. Having audio erotic books to listen to can also be fun. Put it in the kit! How about candles? Why not? Plan on watching porn? Put it in the kit!
4. Are you really having trouble getting started? There are some resources that might help. There are even self-pleasuring guided meditations you can try as a part of your self-exploration and self-pleasuring practices. Sometimes, working with a virtual coach can really help get things started, or even make self pleasuring more fun! And there are in-person workshops that are held all over the country that can help women connect back to their bodies. The world is changing, and you can have the relationship with your pleasure that you want to have. Reach out.
So take the time and create the "Self-Pleasuring Kit"! Think out of the box and put in it exactly what you want to be in it! Go to a sex shop and browse around. Add items to your bag that will keep things exciting and fun.
"Self Pleasuring" is the gift that we give to ourselves. It's not a couple's thing. It's time alone for you to enjoy your body. It's not selfish. It's self nourishment. You need to eat, sleep, exercise and self pleasure. It's all a part of self care. And just like going to yoga class, you can slip a little self pleasure in any time of the day! Think about the moment of opportunity in your day? Is there a lunch break where you can slip home or shop for your pleasure kit? Do you just have 15 minutes of privacy? Grab your bag and go!
Really. Try it. You'll like it!