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Senate Unveils CompromiseCare™

Under CompromiseCare™, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan, and Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCare™:

  • Under CompromiseCare™, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.

  • Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.

  • You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.

  • States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.

  • You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.

  • You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.

  • A patient will be considered "pre-existing" if he or she already exists.

  • You'll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.

  • Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is "Lieberman."

  • You will be entitled to natural remedies, such as death. More here.

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