Sepp Blatter Believes He'll Get Into Heaven On A Technicality

Under-fire FIFA president Sepp Blatter has turned to his faith amidst the most tumultuous period of his 17-year reign at the top of international soccer. In an interview published on Wednesday with German magazine Bunte, Blatter defended his reputation and asserted his "all dogs go to heaven" set of religious beliefs.

“My faith has given me strength during the last week," Blatter said. "I am a religious person and pray, too. I own a golden cross that has been blessed by Pope Francis. I believe I will go to heaven one day. But I believe there is no hell. I disagree with the pope on that.”

Classic Blatter, and it actually explains a whole lot about his work. In Blatter's warped world, his actions are divine and are taken without consequence. As FIFA president, he's stopped at nothing to have his cake and eat it too -- an ambition that has lead to plenty of corruption, but also, in his mind, a one-way ticket to heaven.

“I have a clean conscience,” Blatter added before addressing allegations of corruption, for which he's preparing to fight with a high-powered U.S. lawyer.

“If somebody accuses me of being corrupt, I ask him whether he knows the meaning of that word. Whoever calls me corrupt will have to prove it, but nobody can prove that because I am not corrupt," he said.

Not yet, at least. While Blatter wouldn't admit to any wrongdoing to Bunte, he did concede -- perhaps carelessly -- that FIFA is, as suspected, corrupt:

"If anybody calls me corrupt because FIFA is corrupt, I can only shake my head. Everybody who says something like that should go to jail."

U.S. attorney general Loretta Lynch is working on that too. In May, 14 top FIFA officials were arrested in Zurich, Switzerland, and charged with corruption by U.S. prosecutors.

Blatter is set to miss this Sunday's Women's World Cup Final in Vancouver, Canada, for the first time, citing "personal reasons" for not traveling. It's widely speculated that Blatter's lawyers advised him not to make the trip over fears that he could face charges in Canada.