Time to say goodbye to Match.com, e-Harmony, JDate and all the other dating sites. We cannot log on to the computer, turn on the television, or open the newspaper without seeing a headline involving a sexual relationship between a female teacher and an underage male student. It is time to invent a new site entitled Studyhall.com because the numbers of these cases is increasing year after year.
Teachers now seem to pick their prospects directly from the student body without a care in the world. "Where were these teachers when I was going to school?" This seems to be the most commonly asked question by MEN who say that they can only dream of a teacher who would make them the "teacher's pet." Why are more and more teachers engaging in criminal behavior when they know that prison could be the ultimate punishment? Is there a "double standard" when it comes to female teachers? How can you call this boy a "victim"? These questions are always looming when the press gets a hold of one of these cases.
First of all there is a "double standard," and that 's because the victims in most of these cases do not want to testify. It is a cycle and it goes like this. The victim is usually not the one running to the police saying "please arrest this woman that is having sex with me, supplying me with drugs and alcohol, and giving me good grades." The disclosure is usually accidental, meaning emails, text messages and other things lead someone to begin an investigation. As a result, the "victim" has now been outed, the media circus has begun, and the last thing he wants to do is testify against this teacher, especially when he's benefiting in so many ways.
He is then ridiculed and bullied by his friends who can't believe that he would actually participate in a prosecution. Is he a victim of this crime? The answer is yes on so many levels. He knows deep down inside that this is criminal. He knows that he should tell the prosecutors how she preyed on him. He knows that he might struggle with all future relationships because of this, and most of all he knows that his family knows all the details. He comes to our office and says, I can't do this, its my fault too and I am not going to testify against her. This is why we see such a difference in sentencing between the male defendant and the female defendant, ergo this "double standard."
Why does society see this older woman/young man relationship as a "rite of passage"? It's not, it is sexual abuse right to the core, and the damage that it can do to any child is real and can be life changing. This holds true for any adult who chooses a child as a victim, and it needs to be treated as such. This is the ultimate in betrayal, as we depend and rely on teachers to provide a stellar education for our kids. We don't leave them in their hands to be taken advantage of mentally and physically. What drives these women to ultimately be standing in a courtroom in front of family, television cameras and sometimes their own children to answer to these crimes? Low self esteem, the need to be in control and adored, coupled with the inability to maintain adult relationships have all been factors in this criminal activity. To all those people that asked "where was that teacher when I was in school? She was doing her job in the classroom, not in the bedroom. She was making sure when you graduated you knew right from wrong and had had knowledge of many things. She was not providing knowledge of how to avoid being caught having sex, and most of all she was grading your tests, not on your oral skills. To everyone that thinks these boys aren't true victims,and this is not sexual abuse I ask you one question, how would you feel if this was your child?