Sex In Ocean Sucks In Worst Way Imaginable

This is a public service announcement: Quit having sex in the ocean. Water isn't even a good lubricant, you guys! Not to mention it's all salty. And did you know fish swim in there? Like, literally hundreds of fish, ew! Oh, and there is always the very real chance your genitals will get stuck together via suction.

That seems to be the case for an Italian couple looking to spice up their love life. Il Mattino reported that as the couple began having sex in the ocean, they became suctioned together and unable to separate. Awwww!

The seaman, anchored to his siren by his sea monster, stayed in the ocean until he was able to flag down a woman walking along the beach who was able to give this beast with two backs a towel to cover up.

A doctor was called and they were taken to a hospital emergency room. There the woman was given an injection usually used to dilate the uterus of pregnant women, in order to untangle the couple.

Isn't love beautiful?