News of President William Clinton's sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky broke on
January 17, 1998. The events before and after have become known as The Lewinsky Scandal. It could have become known as The Healing Crisis.
This was a moment in our country's history when President Clinton himself, or the leaders in our Congress could have seen the misuse and abuse of power -- sexual and otherwise -- in this relationship and taught our country from it... taught about power, taught about sexual acting out, taught about the sign it is of sexual wounding, taught about the potential for healing the wounding to sexuality, not only individually, but also nationally and even globally. They could have utilized the crisis for healing, like going through a fever back to health.
But nobody was wise enough to utilize the Lewinsky Scandal as a Healing Crisis. Instead, politicians used it to teach their enemies to watch out or they would be caught. And of the politicians teaching Bill Clinton and others this lesson, many of them were caught in their own illicit sexual encounters or relationships. (One of them is even a contender for president in the 2012 election -- Newt Gingrich. What kind of healing has he done?) And still no one was able to truly utilize the potential for massive healing.
Since 1998, there have been many examples of people in the limelight who have been "caught" acting out sexually -- in the political, governmental, and entertainment worlds. John Edwards, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, David Letterman, Silvio Berelusconi, Anthony Weiner. Were any of the revelations of these distortions of sexuality utilized for healing? No! Not one.
Well now, in November 2011, we have another opportunity to see and work with painful expressions of sexual acting out as a healing crisis. An assistant coach at Penn State University has been arrested on charges of molesting eight boys, some of them at the Penn State football complex. People have reacted differently at different points in the process: some wanting to protect the coach, the team, the school, the money; some wanting to find out the truth and hold accountable those who need to be held accountable; some expressing great compassion for the boys...
In this same month, one of the candidates for President of the United States has been accused not only of sexual harrassment, but also of "pushing" for sexual contact in exchange for a job. And he is still way up in the polls. We're the ones who vote in the polls. This is not just about Herman Cain, it's about us, too. The contradictions here are stunning. It's not ok to molest children, but it's ok to sexually use and abuse women. It's not ok for an assistant coach to molest children, and other authorities at the institution have to pay with their jobs. But it's ok for a contender for the highest leadership position in our land to sexually mistreat and demean women and not have any real consequences... and not only that, be allowed to continue in the race.
Look what this says about our country and about our citizenry. If we haven't learned yet, we have the opportunity to do so now... We cannot afford to be deaf, dumb, and blind anymore. If a person misuses his or her sexuality, he or she will misuse other forms of his/her power and energy. If a person violates a child or an adult once, s/he will certainly do it again. If a person is unfaithful to his or her marriage partner, s/he will certainly be unfaithful to other commitments s/he has made... including the commitment to his or her country if s/he is one of its leaders. The repetitions may not be obvious, but you can, unfortunately, count on them... unless that person does his or her work in the office of a skilled, integritous, compassionate, and savvy therapist.
Most important... If you sexually violate another person, you wound that other person. And not only that! It is an indication of your own wounding sexually. This is as true of a football coach and a presidential hopeful as it is of the man or woman next door.
I have been a depth psychotherapist for over three decades. I have worked with so many people wounded by another person's misuse of their sexuality as a result of their own sexual woundedness. Believe me! We have no idea how many people in our country have been wounded sexually.... more than we can even imagine. And we have no idea the painful, damaging impact it has not only on the individual but also on our country and our world. The tip of the iceberg is the sex trade right here in our country.
But we have the chance right now... to start finding out and to invest in and commit ourselves to the healing crisis and the healing, the real healing that can come out of it.
© Judith Barr, 2011