I was sexually harassed in a public vehicle. Not once but TWICE.
The first time, I was travelling with a friend, and the second time I was travelling on my own.
Before going into the details of my encounter with sexual harassment, let's see what sexual harassment is.
Sexual harassment, as defined by U.S. EEOC, is unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature. You can read more about sexual harassment here.
It has been more than a year since I was first harassed sexually in a public vehicle, and trust me I am feeling the same way I felt at that exact moment writing about that incident. And the feeling is worst, disgusting, shocking and all the negative adjectives that could define one’s feeling.
The moment is so fresh in my mind like it just happened right before I started writing about it. Human Mind. Or maybe the incident has left a deep scar on my mind.
“The incident has left a deep scar on my mind.”
Back in those days, I was an active, motivated member of youth network and an activist, fighting for youth rights and women’s rights. I participated in various workshops, seminars and campaigns against sexual harassment.
It was 13th February, one day before the Valentine’s Day. For us, 14th of February was not just Valentine’s Day, it was One Billion Rising Day.
Me and my friend, we were on our way back home after the rehearsal for the V-day program. We got on a public bus; it was almost crowded but not jam-packed-crowded. A man sitting on a seat reserved for women stood up, asking me to sit there. I was tired. I was moving towards that seat, thanking that man and suddenly I was still.
I felt someone brushed past me and took a handful of my behind on his way. When I turned to see the man, he pretended to dust off his jacket and pants. That way his hands seemed to touch my behind accidentally. I was so perplexed that I couldn’t say a word at him.
My friend immediately noticed something was going wrong and I told her what happened. She shouted at that man and the man denied what he was being accused of. I couldn’t say a word. After all those seminars and training and campaigns and experiences, I was so confident that if any day I get harassed I will fight back, I would take actions accordingly. And when it actually happened, I couldn’t. Easier said than done.
I kept thinking. I couldn’t take the incident off my mind. I was angry with myself more than my perpetrator. I kept cursing myself, why didn’t I do anything or why didn’t I say anything. Then I realize I wasn’t myself at that moment. My brain stopped working, all my senses went numb. I was stuck at ‘What just happened?’
Few months back, I got sexually harassed for second time. But to this day I’m not cent per cent sure that was sexual harassment.
It was few months after the India’s unofficial blockade on Nepal, the transport system wasn’t yet back to normal. The number of public vehicles was still lot lesser than usual. Getting a seat in public vehicle that time was token of great luck. But I still doubt my great luck of that day.
I was sharing a seat-for-two with a middle-aged man, on my home, in a public bus. Though I barely occupied 40% of the seat, leaving him a larger portion, I was comfortable at the beginning.
Like every time, the bus immediately was jam-packed with passengers. Those who were standing were inadvertently surging on those on the seats. So, I thought the pressure on my left arm from that man’s right arm was nothing but the effect of the crowd.
The tension in his arm was increasing and I could feel his arm muscles flexing against my arm. I thought it’s the pressure coming from the standing crowd so I didn’t say anything.
Since, the bus was of short route, it started getting empty. I was too uncomfortable and I asked him to move to the side. The pressure on my arm wasn’t like before but was still there. When I turned to him to ask him again, he wasn’t even looking at me. He adjusted himself and sat there like a gentleman. I was so confused, I didn’t say anything.
The man got off when his station came but the doubt in mind did not. I could not be sure if that man was doing it on purpose or was it just the situation in the crowded public vehicle. Whatever it was, the feeling I had was the feeling of disgust, once again.
I wanted to write about these incidents long time back, like right after they happened but failed to gather enough words. Now I wrote this to give others the glimpses of sexual harassment in public vehicles and why girls/women fail to respond to such encounters in the right modes.
I am not the only one and Nepal is not the only country where sexual harassment takes place in public vehicles. No matter the country is developed or underdeveloped, there are such perpetrators lurking after their prey. Here are more stories like mine.
Most of the cases of such harassment go unreported because victims don’t have the evidence against the perpetrator that legal institutions demand for. Another reason is that the guilty is always the victim; in one way or the other, they will anyhow point out the wrong turn the victim took.
In my perception, the act of sexual harassment will not stop until the conscience of the perpetrators changes. No matter how aware are the women/girls, or what they wear or how they behave, or the defense skills they have, the most important thing that matters is the perpetrator’s mentality.
There are male victims as well but here, I talked only about women and girls victims of sexual harassment in public transports because the study shows the higher rate of female victims than male and I am a woman myself.