Okay. I admit it. I never read, let alone studied Shakespeare. I'm not sure if I should be relieved or resentful that my Appalacha-demic education fell short in this major corner of the literature world.
But since you can't miss what you never had, I usually don't feel too awful about it. But this weekend, I was reminded that, once again, my enthusiasm has a way of carrying me beyond my rank. We went to a local performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream where I took the term clueless to a new level. It was an idyllic setting; in an outdoor seaside amphitheater, over which the sun was setting on a breath-taking summer Sunday. We also brought a picnic supper. How good could life get?
Looking back I see that my main reason for going was mostly based on the food, the sunset and the company of my friends, but I also hoped that I would somehow, this time, understand Shakespeare. I could already hear myself the next day, dropping Shakespeare's name into any and all conversations. Earlier in the week, when I saw the listing for this performance in the newspaper, having seen the movie The Secret one too many times, I guess I thought the planets were finally aligning so that I could sync up with Shakespeare. This time, I thought to myself, it was Meant To Be (or not be, I quickly discovered).
In a similar fashion, every ten years or so, I taste an olive to confirm that I still hate them, even though my sophisticated friends adore them and I've come to accept this about myself, that my tastes run more towards canned mushrooms than Provencal tapenade.
But alas, even though it felt like a midsummer night's dream evening, I still don't get Shakespeare.
If I'm completely honest, nor do I even want to get Shakespeare.
At the intermission, I had to go. My daughter and I ditched my friends when they were at the ports-potties "Alas! This blessed plot. Methinks I dare not stay for mine death draws ever closer!"
We drove home that night and I saw myself in the glaring light of what my authentic self truly is at it's core. A William.....Farrell fan. Yes, folks, Ricky Bobby can make my heart sing! I get Will Farrelll! I've never watched a Will Farrell movie yet that I had to lean over to my husband and say, "I don't get it. What just happened?"
Arianna Huffington says that we all can benefit from creating a vision of the life we want and this means finding out what really makes our hearts sing and doing it.
Rather than spending our time eating olives, we can all benefit from really feeling our feelings and honoring them. This means getting up in the morning and putting on what you want to wear. It means being less cool and instead being more real, even if it means never seeing another Shakespearean play again.
With that in mind, here are some Shakespeare for Dummies translations:
What Shakespeare said: "To be or not to be, That is the question."
What he meant: "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
What Shakespeare said: "The lady doth protest too much me thinks."
What he meant: "Something smells fishy."
What Shakespeare said: "All that glitters is not gold."
What he meant: "You can't judge a book by it's cover."
What Shakespeare said: "When sorrows come, they come not single spies."
What he meant: "If you lay down with the dogs, you get up with fleas."
What Shakespeare said: "All the world's a stage."
What he meant: "Fake it until you make it."
What Shakespeare said: ""Ere, he by sickness had been visited."
What he meant:"Talking to Ralph on the Big White Telephone."
What Shakespeare said" "Lord, What Fools these mortals be."
What he meant: "He seems a few sandwiches short of a picnic."
What Shakespeare said" "Love look not with the eyes but with the mind."
What he meant: "I've seen better looking legs on a table."
What Shakespeare said: "These above all, To thine own self be true"
What he meant: "Go ahead. March to the beat of a different drummer."
What Shakespeare said: "Et tu, Brute?"
What he meant: "Well,this is a fine how do you do."
What Shakespeare said:" "Adieu! Tears exhibit my tongue. Almost beautiful."
What he meant: "Here's your hat. What's your hurry."
What Shakespeare said: "Take thou thy pound of flesh."
What he meant: "I'm gonna get my clock cleaned."
What Shakespeare said: "Farewell! God knows when we shall meet again!"
What he meant: "Whee Doggies! Out of sight, out of mind."
What Shakespeare said: "Good Night! Good Night! Parting is such sweet sorrow."
What he meant: "You take care now. Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
And I don't think Shakespeare would mind. You take care now. Talledega Nights is on.