Shirtless FBI Agent's Email Wasn't Even Sexy, Here Are 8 Messages That Would've Been More Sexual

The FBI apparently needs a lesson on what constitutes suggestive/sexy/romantic digital communication.

For those of you who haven't been obsessing following coverage of the Petraeus scandal and are perhaps unaware of the unexpected possibly sexual FBI email wrinkle in this story, a brief summary:

FBI Special Agent Frederick Humphries led an investigation that exposed the extramarital affair former CIA Director Gen. David Petraeus had with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. The investigation began when Humphries' friend, Tampa socialite Jill Kelley, alerted him to a handful of emails she had received accusing her of having an inappropriate relationship with Petraeus. Once Humphries was identified as the man who began investigating the General, reports that he had previously sent "shirtless photos" of himself to Kelley began circulating. "The [FBI] ... had to address conduct by its own agent -- who allegedly sent shirtless photos of himself to a woman involved in the case prior to the investigation," the Wall Street Journal reported on November 13th.

After the Seattle Times published the "shirtless photo" of FBI Special Agent Frederick Humphries on November 15th, it became clear that the supposedly scandalous email was sent to multiple people and was nothing but a joke. The photograph depicts Humphries -- indeed shirtless -- between two equally shirtless target dummies. The bald FBI agent looks quite similar to said dummies. Funny, right?

It remains unclear why the FBI was unable to differentiate between a sexually suggestive photo and a joke emailed to multiple people, but we thought that we'd give them a tutorial. Here are eight emails that would be more believably sexual than the one our Shirtless FBI Agent sent around.

#1

You know you love me.
XOXO,
Gossip Girl

#2

#3
A Weiner shot. We're not saying those kinds of photos are as sexy as the senders apparently think, but they do get right to the point.

#4

Check out this awesome video! CLICK HERE.

#5

Just passing along...

#6

;) :-*

#7

You + Me, next weekend?

#8

Hey there! Just read this really well-written book, "50 Shades of Grey." This line made me think of you:

"His expression pulls at that dark part of me, buried in the depths of my belly

-- my libido, woken and tamed by him, but even now, insatiable."