We'd like to say something before we go any further: we love you, Reddit. No other corner of the internet is quite as willing to humiliate itself, each other and complete strangers for the greater good. While Reddit has had some very real mainstream victories in the recent past (like President Obama's AMA), we're here to focus on our favorite, most self-effacing subbreddit out there: Shitty Food Porn.
The Shitty Food Porn subreddit catalogues some of the best and worst of human cooking behavior. You get to see the abject failures, the simple mistakes, the chronic inability of frozen food to look like the image on its package and our favorite phenomenon -- the purposeful documentation of the moment when you, too drunk, too hungry or too out-of-f***s-to-give, microwave something hideous that definitely tastes good. We're talking about tortillas with cheese and jarred tomato sauce, baked mozzarella sticks, mac and cheese made with ramen noodles. Your mind's telling you no, but your stomach -- your stomach's telling you yes.
It's in this spirit of adoration, camaraderie and a commitment to doing better that we give you our 20 favorite Shitty Food Porn posts of all time:
20. "Gordon acts like making crispy salmon is a walk in the park." - _treefingers_
19. "A sad sight on a Phildelphia Street." - fumor
NOOOOOOOOO.
18. "First time at a Waffle House. I paid 40 cents for my hash browns to be "smothered" in cheese." - northerncacy
Don't worry, we're thinking it too -- it kind of looks delicious.
17. "White trash shrimp cocktail." - TheSakeOfGod
16. "Authentic Chinese delicacies." - longboardingerrday
15. "Microwaved onion. Whatever." - Makinbaconpancake
This citizen was in a dark place. The community rallied in support. Well, at least in giggles.
14. "The geniuses in the company cafeteria have been working overtime, I call this masterpiece 'lemon tuna'." - invisible_monkey
Sometimes you just have to make sure that someone else saw what you saw.
13. "A coworkers lunch. Possibly the saddest meal I've ever seen. :(" - correct_my_grammar
Don't ever let anyone tell you that empathy doesn't exist on the internet.
12. "A tropical, refreshing drink." - dumpass
11. "Taco shells with cheese." - LlamasUnite
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, or whatever.
10. "Someone has been looking at SHITTYFOODPORN for inspiration." - Costner_Facts
THEIR WORDS, NOT OURS, GUYS.
9. "Brownie out of a cup -- level: Hiroshima." - hansworschd
8. "My brother's attempt at making pizza from scratch after a seven pint drinking session." - LefthandGoosinator
7. "My friend tried to make a chocolate hedgehog cake." - Fence_Climber
A for effort. D for just about everything else.
6. "Simple carb-free pizza." - Le_Renard
This is a cry for help. We're here to help.
5. "I think I did a fantastic job recreating these delicious looking Cookie Monster cupcakes." - lolpancakeslol
Nailed it.
4. "Home made ketchup. How did I do?" - lolpancakeslol
OH NO. How did you?
3. "Thomas the tank engine cake. Nailed it." - something_stoopid
2. "m&m's with milk" - vocaltalentz
Yes. They. Are.
1. "Ran out of bread..." - jupitergeorge
Have you ever seen a person more in need of some friendly encouragement? THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO LOVE YOU. Look at how well you cooked that egg! You have choices in life! (It is so possible that this actually tasted pretty good. We don't even know anymore.)