Somewhere in the United States, a bald eagle is shedding a single tear, overcome by the blessed beauty of this great nation.
It's because of American patriots like Dustin Ellermann that we remain the greatest country in the world. Wrapping uncooked bacon around the barrel of a gun, then firing that gun until the bacon cracks and sizzles is the kind of innovation that you just can't find anywhere else in the world.
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This is what freedom is all about: Guns, bacon, and inevitable diabetes. We're getting emotional just thinking about it.
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