Reader Mom Of Gifted writes,
I'm thinking about skipping a grade for my 4 year old and entering her into Kindergarten this year. She is a very determined child and likes to keep up with her older brother (2 years older). She already can write and regularly asks us to spell words for her to write out, and I think she knows as much if not more than most kids entering Kindergarten. She had a hard year at her private school since she was not very challenged and after talking to the school I don't feel the pre-k 4 class will be much better.
I know this is not as normal now to skip a grade, and looked down for social reasons, but she already has social difficulties mostly because she is so advanced for her age.
Will I ruin my kid socially if I do this? It seem much more acceptable to hold back a child then send them forward. I've looked into some other schools that might meet some of her advanced skills but I can't afford them and I like her school, just didn't like this last year for her. Side note: I have no clue if her school would even consider this!
I'll also add that she just spent a week at camp that was for 1st-3rd graders and kept up really well (camp had a scheduling issue and she ended up in a big kid paleontology camp). Hence the thought to look into skipping grades to solve the school issues we had last year. I would hate to have this make her miserable in her teen years but also I hate the idea of her not being challenged by school and living up to her potential.
Dear MOG,
Don't do this. If your daughter doesn't fit in now, she's certainly not going to fit in any better when the other kids are a whole year more socially and emotionally developed than her. I was a gifted kid that could have skipped a grade, and thankfully, I wasn't skipped. There is no kid in the world that doesn't benefit from learning how to socialize and make friends in pre-K.
If she's reading already, so was my daughter (and me), and she can read at home. Read with her, do math with her, print stuff off Pinterest on gifted kid boards if you want, do anything but skip her. You can also enroll her in extracurriculars (maybe you could get her into older classes there if you want), or hire people to come to your house to teach her chess and guitar (if you're in Maryland, those are links to the people who teach my daughter those things) or whatever else you want. Coding, that's another one we're going to try. Also, don't forget dance, gymnastics, swimming, sports, and whatever else.
Please don't overfocus on intellectual achievement over other aspects of life. This focus leads to depression and anxiety in kids. You want your kid to be happy, and have many areas that she feels good about, not just school. Focus on helping your kid with her weaknesses, like social skills, versus focusing solely on her strengths, which are academics. Don't ignore the social issues she is facing, either. There are excellent social skills groups and child therapists and many many books that can teach your child how to make friends. I just read a good one the other day, try anything by Julie Cook.
The reason your kid had a bad year was not likely that she was bored, because there are loads of fun things to do in preschool, lots of different centers and fun activities that kids can do at whatever level they are at (if not, try a new school). The reason was likely because she felt socially left out or didn't have friends. Please, for your kid's sake, try and help her with this. Unless she is a prodigy, which is not what you're describing, she will always need to interact with normal human beings in her own age group, and if you skip her, you're basically saying that her social life is less important than her academics. This is why people at Columbia, where I went to college, and other elite colleges, suffer from depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Everyone is more than their IQ. Please try and help her with the social side, and don't make her more of a misfit than she already feels like by making her the youngest one in her class.
Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Really, Don't.
This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family. Learn about Dr. Rodman's private practice here. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider.