Here's What Sleeping In Separate Beds Could Do To Your Marriage

We look at both sides of the bed.

Brangelina supposedly does it too, and so did Kanye and Kim while she was pregnant -- all this according to gossip I read on the Internet.

Nearly one in four couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds, according to a 2015 survey by the National Sleep Foundation. A 2013 study from Toronto's Ryerson University puts that number at 30-40 percent.

We asked relationship therapists about whether sleeping like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo could help or hinder your relationship. Here's what they said:

Why you should consider sleeping in separate beds:

"It's important to hold in mind that we all have different attachment styles, and the ideal sleeping arrangement may vary greatly from couple to couple," Dr. Amanda Zayde, a licensed clinical attachment-based psychologist in New York City, told The Huffington Post.

For example, if one partner snores loudly, or if a couple has very different sleep styles, "sharing a bed can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment," Zayde said.

For them, "sleeping in separate beds is a practical decision, made with the ultimate goal of both partners having a good night's sleep."

Sleep, as we know, affects our moods -- when we have too little, we are grumpier, more impatient and have a hard time tempering our emotions.

But "getting enough quality sleep can lead to an improved mood, and an increase in positive interactions with your partner," Zayde said. Also, "people have gotten used to having their own space, and they don't necessarily want to relinquish it as they enter into a relationship."

But there are many benefits of sleeping in the same bed, too:

On the flip side, if you sleep in another room, you miss out on mid-evening spontaneous sex, Dr. Laurel Steinberg, a clinical sexologist and professor of psychology at Columbia University, pointed out.

"No matter how big he thinks his penis is, it’s not that big to reach from the next room," she said.

But the benefits extend beyond sex.

"Just expressing warmth and not sex helps your brain create oxytocin, a very soothing stress reduction hormone," she said.

Steinberg also pointed out that being in same bed fosters early morning conversations -- a good time to connect as a couple -- and makes it more difficult to go to bed angry, as you share a space.

But she did admit at least one benefit of sleeping away from her partner: "I miss him. So the next day I’m more hungry for connection -- that could be one plus."

What do you think? Do you sleep in the same bed with your partner, or separately?

Before You Go

A Guide To Sleeping Better In A New Place


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