Phd4kidsvault
Kids get hooked on things. Why? Security, habit, attachment, and sensory satisfaction are common reasons. Kids can be traumatized by taking some things a way cold turkey. Parents should be thoughtful about common childhood vises; they may or may not need to go.
Pacifiers and Bottles
Both pacifiers and bottles can be difficult for toddlers to give up. Pacifiers are often given to babies in the hospital after they are born to both breastfeeding and non-breastfeeding babies. Bottles are obviously given to babies immediately after birth if moms are not breast feeding. When should babies or toddlers give the pacifier and/or bottle up? Most experts would agree that the pacifier should be given up as soon as possible, or never used at all. Realistically, a parent of a pacifier user would say, "When they go to college as long as it helps them sleep." Dentists would say, "When the pacifier is at risk of changing orthodontia."
The bottle should be given up at about a year of age. A baby or toddler should not be given a bottle to take to bed. Taking a bottle to bed increases the chance of tooth decay, choking, and longterm sleep problems. It is very difficult to break the habit of taking bottles to bed, so it's better never to start.
Getting rid of the pacifier and/or bottle follows the same logic. Babies and toddlers like both because sucking is soothing. Sucking is an instinct. If babies did not know how to suck when they are born, they would die. Most parents know the look of a baby putting themselves to sleep at the breast or bottle. The look of drowsy, drunken, pure baby bliss, and then off to sleep.
Pacifiers do not usually have a hole in them. Bottles do. To get rid of the pacifier, only one pacifier should exist. The hidden shame for parents whose toddler uses a pacifier, is that we allow them to have as many as it takes to keep them quiet. All the same brand, in every nook and cranny of our lives. Car, purse, diaper bag, every room of our home, drawer in baby's room, distant relative's home....you get the idea. There must be only ONE, if you want to get rid of the pacifier. Period. The end. No excuses. ONE.
The ONE, should stay in your child's bed. Once all of these conditions are met, get the pacifier when your child can not see you. Take a pin and poke one hole in the end. Your child will freak out when s/he sees the hole. Give a response such as, "your _____, is getting older, too. You can still use it." Fill in the blank with whatever word you use for pacifier. In our house it was "Pacie." Your child will continue to use his or her pacifier, even with the hole in it (On the rare chance they won't use it anymore; great, your finished!) They will gradually get used to the fact that it has a hole in it. Development at this age is a beautiful thing. Time removes memories of how things used to be, and a new normal develops fairly quickly.
Once a child has become accustom to the initial hole in the pacifier, use a craft knife to gradually shave away tiny slices. The bottle already has a hole so parents won't have to deal with the initial "horror of the hole," it quickly becomes a messy sippy cup. Shaving the pacifier and bottle nipple should be so gradual, the child in no way can tell what is happening. Once a week would be the least amount of time between cutting the nipple of the bottle or pacifier.
I waited too long. I would be a hypocrite if I did not admit, I also became attached to her pacifier. She loved it. She slept so well. She was three-years-old when I finally came to my senses. After the last shaving, the nipple of the pacifier was maybe 1/8 inch long. I cheerfully gave the pacie to her after reading bedtime stories and kissing her goodnight. It was like slow motion as she took it, tried so hard to grip it in her teeth, and barely kept it in her mouth. She looked me right in the eyes and said, "I don't want this anymore!" Joy to my ears!
I had not "taken" it away from her or required her to give her beloved object up to a "new baby." She willingly and gladly gave her pacifier to me. Something I had never imagined just a few months earlier. No trauma. No drama. SHE made the decision!
Blankets, Stuffed Animals, and Oddities
It is not uncommon for kids who give up one comfort vise to move on to another. Some kids develop a stronger bond to a security object they already have. Children will often attach to a special blanket or stuffed animal after giving up the pacifier or before. Less common, but not unheard of examples are: pillowcases, silky underwear, and other clothing objects. Security objects that do not effect children's health do not need to be "gotten rid of."
Giving blankies or special objects away or telling children they are too old for "baby" toys, can cause sleep and behavior problems. Make a rule the security object needs to stay in the child's bed. Let them deteriorate naturally. Children will actually grieve as security objects disintegrate. Let them. It is often the first time kids grieve. It is good practice to mourn a beloved object. We all lose people we love. It is much harder to let people go than blankies, they need the practice.