In response to a picture of Michael Phelps taken by a British tabloid photographer, Kelloggs recently announced that they are dumping the greatest Olympic performer in the history of the United States. "Michael's behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg's," said a spokesman for Kellogg's.
Wake up America! What has Kellogg's ever done for you? They're a big huge company that wants to put your money in their pocket while shoving sugar laden food down your throat, and the throat of your children. Pop tarts, Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini-Wheats? Versus Michael Phelps? Are you kidding me? These are foods that are making our kids fat and hyperactive, not an Olympic hero who represents the very best of America.
I don't know about you, but I spent last summer mesmerized, hypnotized, blown out of the water night after night by young Michael Phelps. The physical stamina, obviously the product of thousands and thousands of grueling, brutal, exhausting hours of training. The technique, honed over a decade of striving to be the best of the best of the best. The heart, the courage, the superhuman yet ubercool effort required when everything hangs in the balance, when the pressure is highest. The inextinguishable belief that you can win in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. It wired me, inspired me, fired me up and made me happy to be alive. It made me proud to be an American. Proud to be a human being.
I will never ever forget what Michael Phelps did for me in the summer of 2008. And honestly, I feel a little guilty. Because I haven't done anything to express my extreme gratitude, to pay him back. Well, now Michael Phelps needs my help. He needs help from all of us. It is our duty as Americans to show Michael Phelps the love he deserves, the love he earned. We need to show him, and to show those black-hearted bastards at Kellogg's, that being American means picking people up when they fall. It means standing by their side through good times and bad. It means rallying around them when they are being unjustly vilified, when the big bad bully is beating them up.
I mean please, Michael Phelps wasn't acting like a maniac. He wasn't exposing himself. He wasn't doing anything violent or dangerous. He was just being a young person socializing with other young people in America. Relaxing. Letting his hair down after having given this country the last 10 years of his life. Having fun. Just doing what millions of other normal American young people are doing every single night in America. No one dies from doing what Michael Phelps was doing. Thousands and thousands of people die each year from obesity. And yet Kellogg's puts millions into convincing you to start your child's day with empty calories covered in sugar. And in the meantime, American hero Michael Phelps is dragged through the mud for just having a little well-deserved fun.
So I am asking America and the world to boycott Kellogg's. Do not buy their products. Speak ill of them where ever you go. Tell all your friends and family not to give Kellogg's one single penny, ruble, rupee or drachma of your money. I want every American to stand up and shake their fists at Kellogg's. From teetotaler to Rastafarian; teenybopper to great-grandmother; Beethoven lover to punk rocker, let's show Kellogg's what we think of them acting ugly towards our Michael Phelps.