Right before I booked my GAdventures Volcano Trail tour through Central America, I had a conversation with one of my close friends, Nicole. After I shared how I was embracing where I am in my life right now, making the effort to live my life without regrets and traveling the world rather than waiting on my husband to show up, Nicole's response was, "As you should. That's great! Your hubby will be thoroughly impressed when he shows up." The very next day, without hesitation, I booked my trip.
So I intentionally left behind all the comforts of my home to be out of my element, with the purpose to truly reconnect with myself on a deeper and more spiritual level, while being on this GAdventures YOLO style group tour (You Only Live Once/travelers in their 20s-30s-40s). I wanted to learn about the culture and countries in an authentic way without all the necessary luxury travel arrangements, and embrace all the adventures and once-in-a-lifetime experiences for myself.
Upon arrival of my hotel in San Jose, Costa Rica, I experienced a déjà vu moment when I walked upstairs in the Costa Rica Guest House. Looking down the hallway, the darkness and the doorways, immediately took me back to the Jail Hotel LowenGraben, in Lucerne, Switzerland from my Contiki Europe Tour. Then my mind instantly thought of the next group tour, GAdventures SouthEast Asia. Consequently, I began my Central America trip thinking about two guys I had relationships with, and it brought up memories and emotions of sadness, disappointment, and anger for me. It made me realize I still needed to work through this, as it is holding me back from meeting the right man.
Just because you know a relationship is over and it's not right for you, doesn't mean your subconscious mind agrees. And until you decide to face what it is that is making you hold on and the emotions, you will continue to circle around and not be able to truly move forward in a liberating way. So thank you Costa Rica Guest House for showing me this block that continues to exist and is getting in my way to finding my true love. I accept this realization and these relationship lessons.
Further reflections on my trip, brings about other realizations related to my past relationship with the guy I met on the Europe trip. I've been so fixed on the strong connection we had on several levels and believing that maybe someday the timing would be right. Although after sharing how I felt, I've learned that he doesn't feel the same. I've even heard the harsh words, "Love you, but I don't feel the same," which entirely broke my heart at that time.
My recent revelation is, I don't need him to want me or to love me and I don't need to try to fix a relationship that isn't meant to be. Rather I just need to accept this for what it is and release that desire and need. Because it's obviously not working for me. Instead I'll focus on loving myself completely, compassionately, and unconditionally. I desire unconditional love in a relationship from a partner, so I'm choosing to love myself unconditionally.
I know this act of kindness and love will then attract the right man into my life. With meditation and yoga on a regular basis, I trust and know I will get to that place of establishing a constant strong inner calm and a continuous feeling of radiance from the inside out. It's about working through my insecurities and self-limiting beliefs that are subconsciously getting in my way.
Besides meditation and yoga to get me to my divine happy place, running is another way for me to release my fears and doubts by bringing in self affirmations and self mantras into my runs. While on the tour, after a four mile run in El Zonte, El Salvador, I was relaxing at the beach resort. I took a nap on a hammock overlooking the Pacific Ocean, and when I woke up I took a few minutes to catch up on Facebook. I saw some friends' updates on relationships and babies. At that moment, I felt genuinely happy for all my friends, but I still got emotional recognizing I'm not there yet.
As I gazed out at the ocean waves and the mountains in the distance, tears streaming down my face, my inner voice of insight/intuition told me, "Do the work you are supposed to and he will come." I found reassurance in hearing that message. I knew it meant that "the work" I was supposed to do was to reconnect with myself on a deep and in a loving way. At the same time, it also referred to doing the work which I feel is a calling, with the C&R Self initiative and living out my mission. It's time to completely step into my greatness.
So taking into consideration every single piece of insight I've gained, I've decided to Show up for Myself! In the end, because when you truly show up for yourself in a big way, then you can expect change and what you desire to happen! Namaste!
Take Action Now to Honor Your C&R Self!
- Ask yourself and really consider, how are you showing up for yourself in your life?
- Also, where have you been compromising yourself?
- Acknowledge it and forgive yourself. You've been doing the best you can.
- Know that the desire to change is enough to begin to shift you and your life.
- So now how will you start showing up for yourself and create a practice going forward?
Would love to hear from you, so be sure to share your thoughts below in the comments and/or on the C&R Self blog! If this article resonated with you, then like it, share it, and/or comment below.
Originally posted January 2013 on Courageous & Remarkable Self blog.
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Sarina is currently working on her first book, Courageous & Remarkable Self: Take Risks, Live More Intentionally, and Travel the World Fearlessly!