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Shut Up! Your Kid Really Said That?

Have you ever really taken the time to listen to what your kids are saying? I find that the funniest part of my day usually comes from conversations I have with my kids. There is something pure and joyful from these interactions.
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Parents Taking Children On Trip In Open Top Car
Parents Taking Children On Trip In Open Top Car

Have you ever really taken the time to listen to what your kids are saying? I find that the funniest part of my day usually comes from conversations I have with my kids. There is something pure and joyful from these interactions. Especially when my kids are discussing toilet humor and private parts. Take a look at some recent conversations between myself and my kids. I also threw in a few conversation between my husband and I. He seems to think he is as funny as our children.

Bathroom Out Of Order
(Conversation with 5 year old)

5-year-old: Mom, I gotta go and she is pooping.

Me: You need to wait.

5-year-old: Can I sit on the seat behind her and poop.

Me: No, one person on the toilet at a time.

5-year-old: Can I poop in the hole in the floor in the other bathroom.

Me: (yelling at 6-year-old; Hurry up and finish!!!!)

~I never thought I would have to tell my kid that he couldn't poop in the hole in the floor.

I Need Apples
(Conversation in car)

6-year-old: Mom I need you to get me apple something for school tomorrow.

Me: Apple what?

6-year-old: Anything but apple sauce. Like cider or something.

9-year-old: Bring in some Angry Orchard. You have a ton of that in the fridge Mom.

Me: Ummm. No, Apple cider it is.

College and Babies
(In car on the way home from soccer)

6-year-old: Mom, can a lady have a baby in college? Like before she's married?

Me:

6-year-old: Mom, can she?

9-year-old: Of course not. The college wouldn't permit that.

6-year-old: How would YOU know?

9-year-old: Because where would the baby stay all day? In the dorm? No, they wouldn't allow it.

6-year-old: The lady can take the baby to class with her.

9-year-old: Seriously, take a baby to a calculus class. I don't think so.

~I didn't say a single word.

Did you forget something?
(Daily morning conversation with my husband)

Me: Someone will forget their shoes, backpack, homework, lunch every day. Why? Why must they drive me bat shit crazy?

Husband: They have learned from example.

Me:

Husband:

Me: See you after work.

Husband: You forgot your keys.

Chip off the emotionally stunted block.
(Conversation In the car)

6-year-old: Mom, when will Uncle Eric be home?

Me: He flew in last night. Why, did you miss him?

6-year-old: Will we see him today?

Me: I don't know. Why, did you miss him?

6-year-old: Is this the way to school?

Me: Yes. Did you miss him?

6-year-old: Yes.

Me: Why wouldn't you just say you missed him?

6-year old: Why do we have to talk about this.

~ My girl.

Talk Amongest Yourselves
(Conversation between siblings)

4-year-old: If I were a puppy, I would lick my balls all day long.

6-year-old: Mom heard you.

4-year-old: (Turns around to look at me.)

Me:

4yr old: I'm just sayin.

The Tattoo
(Conversation with 4-year-old)

4-year-old: Mom please put on my tattoo. I got it for treasure box at school.

Me: Where do you want it?

4-year-old: On my back.

Me: Ok, where.

4-year-old: (points to the small of his back)

6-year-old: Mom, he wants it where you have your tattoo.

Me: Awesome

~My 4-year-old wants a tramp stamp.

Getting dressed
(Conversation with 4-year-old)

Me: Buddy, you need to take off your pajamas before you put on your sneakers.

4-year-old: But I'm so tired.

Me: Do you need help getting dressed?

4-year-old: This is the worst day of my life.

Me: No buddy, that happens when you're an adult.

4-year-old: Do I have to wear underwear?

Me: Yes, the teachers requested that you do.

4-year-old: See, this is the worst day of my life.

Me: How about Star Wars cereal?

4-year-old: This is the best day EVER!!!

*See people, it's all about perspective.

The Sweater
(Conversation at school drop off)

Me: Where did you get that shirt?

6-year-old: The dirty laundry pile.

Me: That means it's dirty. Is that why you are wearing the sweater?

6-year-old: Yes. I don't like the other shirts.

Me: So you decided to wear a dirty shirt to school instead of one of the 27 clean ones in your closet?

6-year-old: I guess you should have done the laundry.

~She was really lucky we were already at school.

Rough Monday.
(Conversation in minivan.)

Kid: Where are we going?

Me: To pick up your Brother.

Kid: No we're not.

Me: Yes we are.

Kid: No we're not.

Me: Yes we are. Stop saying that.

Kid: You drove past the school five minutes ago.

Me: Oh Sh#t!

Listen to your kids. They will probably say something pretty funny today.