Take the HuffPost Signs of the Coming Apocalypse pop quiz:
Which of the following headlines from today's New York Times is scarier?
Got to be B!
Sure, story A reports that North Korea "threatened 'merciless blows'" against any country imposing sanctions against it, and considers the sanctions a "declaration of war," but story B details the "full helping of love" the Vice President "reaps" on his fundraising visits to "Cheney Country... deep in the reddest of red states" and features a six-year old Kansas girl who is so "obsessed" with the Veep she "can tell you what state the vice president was born in (Nebraska), where he went to grade school (College View, in Lincoln), and the names of his dogs (Dave and Jackson). She gets her fix of Cheney fun-facts by visiting the White House Web site for children." (Hey, kids, help the vice president connect the dots between al-Qaeda and Iraq and put the insurgency "in its final throes" with our fun, new Find the Hidden IED game!)
The Cheney article focuses on a recent fundraiser in Topeka, Kansas, where the vice president -- and his 20 percent favorability rating -- was met with "cheers, sustained applause, even some war whoops -- yes, war whoops. Loving ones."
"We love him here," said Susan Wagle, a Kansas state senator.
"It's just such a big thrill to see and hear this man," said farmer Marvin Smith.
"Like a rock star coming to town," gushed Dene Mosier, the mother of the Cheney-obsessed six-year-old.
According to the Times, "after a sustained and rollicking ovation that inspires a rare smile with both sides of his mouth, Mr. Cheney starts into a variant of the same talk he has delivered literally hundreds of times." The speech includes "a warning about how terrorists are still trying desperately 'to cause mass death here in the United States.'"
And how did the good people of Topeka respond to this chilling assessment?
"There was a peacefulness and a truthfulness to this man that really caught my heart," said Anne Ryun, the wife of five-term GOP congressman Jim Ryun.
Dick Cheney: peaceful and truthful.
Oh. My. God.
What's the Matter with Kansas?, indeed.