Too many women give up their power.
I know because I used to be one of them. You want to meet THE ONE. You secretly want your life to emulate a romance movie -- minus the drama. You want the ideal relationship so much, you see dream man when he isn't really there. Or you wait for him to magically turn into Mr. Romance, ignoring that little voice in your head that whispers: This isn't right. Maybe, like me, you idealize the person you are dating, using your creative brain to give him positive attributes he doesn't actually possess, and ignoring the attributes you dislike.
So, you do what any rational person does. You tell girlfriends, "This is it. He's the one." Later, when you think back on that declaration, it's downright cringeworthy. You wish you woke up to reality a little sooner. Denial is a tricky thing. Healthy relationships have a balance of power. If you give up your power in a relationship it's a warning sign that you are in the wrong relationship, and that you may have some more work to do on you. Here are some of the signs:
1. All you focus on is how he feels about you. If you are solely focused on whether he's into you, I'm afraid you are already busy surrendering your power. You should be asking, Am I into him? Why give someone else the power to play judge and jury on you? What you think, want and feel counts. Think about those things. What you think of yourself should always matter more to you than what someone else thinks of you.
2. You are gathering evidence. You find yourself putting together your case with reasons and signs that the man you are in a relationship with is really into you. You feel like you are solving a mystery. If the person you are in a relationship with is really into you, it won't be a mystery. You won't have to figure it out. Authentic relationships -- those that have a shot at going the distance -- mean two people openly communicate how they feel and their desires for the future of the relationship.
3. You are waiting for improvement. If you silently carry around a wish for your relationship, you are surrendering your power. Take a hard look at the person in front of you because that's who you are dating. Don't let your hopes for how he could change cloud your judgment. Always remember this little gem: "When people show you who they are, believe them." -- Maya Angelou. Don't you deserve to have exactly what you want right now?
4. You put him on a pedestal, above you. Keeping your personal power means getting out of any relationship that is hurting you. Healthy relationships make our lives better. Be strong enough to ask for what you want and you believe you deserve it. If you are settling for less than what you want or not getting what you want at all... walk. While you may lose a relationship, you will gain a stronger relationship with yourself.
Take back your power by opening your eyes to who is really in front of you. Decide if YOU want to be with that person. And then give yourself a voice.