Does your dating life feel like one giant dumpster fire lately? Sick and tired of downloading, deleting, then re-downloading Bumble?
You’re not alone. Twitter is positively swimming in folks whose dating lives (or lack thereof) are just as lackluster as yours. Below, we’ve gathered up 32 dating tweets we hope will provide some comedic relief if you’re tired of swiping left.
When a 22-year-old talks about how they’re going to be alone forever because dating is hard, I break out in hives.— BOO-is Frightsman (@LouisPeitzman) September 9, 2019
One time on a first date I yawned and the guy stuck his fingers in my mouth. I was like “wtf” and he said he used to do it to his ex. I didn’t know her but I understood her decision to leave him— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) November 12, 2018
[on a first date]— everett byram (@rad_milk) October 17, 2019
do you got any games on your phone
Don’t think of it as dating ladies think of it as creating a lifelong audience for your Instagram story— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) March 24, 2019
Told a boy I fancied him last night and he said ‘let’s just nip that in the bud’ patted my back and walked away— joy (@theothrjoy) July 27, 2019
After exchanging numbers with a new guy on Hinge, I noticed my phone already had his number saved as a guy from Bumble, and now I feel like a Westworld robot realizing they’ve tried the same escape 100+ times before— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 23, 2019
You ever check your tinder matches from last night and think.. maybe I drank a little too much? 😬— Nate Hill (@NateHillTV) June 10, 2019
I often think about the tinder date that told me they don't "believe in medicine"— Charlie Haynes (@charliehtweets) October 31, 2019
So I had a wedding in my Calendar for this Saturday and I was very stressed out because I didn’t know whose it was and I was afraid I was going to miss it. Then I realized that it was part of my 20 year plan and I set it like 5 years ago. It’s my wedding, I’m missing my wedding.— Troy (@thunt59) August 15, 2018
Guys on dating apps:— Nick Lehmann (@NickStopTalking) October 3, 2019
Moms love me 🤷🏻♂️ haha.
Your mom is gonna love me.
I’m gonna love your mom.
Your mom and I are in love.
We’re getting married.
Dating in your 30s is just two people telling each other stories about how they used to be fun.— Sarah (@thetigersez) February 12, 2018
what’s the pettiest reason you’ve ever swiped left on someone? once after a few wines and a bad day at work I saw a guy on Hinge whose profile said that even if money was no object he’d still do his current job and i was like FUCK YOU BRO. SWIPING LEFT. FUCK OFF. JOB LOVING FUCK— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) February 10, 2019
A joker-style villain origin story, but it's a girl who goes crazy after dating a standup comedian— No Dana only Zuul (@DanaSchwartzzz) October 9, 2019
Happy Halloween to the single girl who dressed up as “Ghosted” or “Bread Crumbing” or any other sad dating thing to show they’re totally ok and not hung up on anything that happened with Greg a couple weeks ago.— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) October 31, 2019
A tip for all the young straight guys out there: If you're on a first date and she hasn't heard of your favorite band, the best thing you can do is start from the beginning of their discography and describe every one of their albums in detail, as well as all their influences.— Jesse Singal (@jessesingal) September 3, 2018
I’m sorry but if you are dating my crush you need to have easily accessible pictures of you online so I can compare myself to you IN A HEALTHY WAY.— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) October 24, 2019
Dating in your 30s seems awful but what’s the alternative? Getting married in your 20s? This is a lose lose situation— cassandra (@jungIered) December 8, 2018
Dating in your 20s: He's mysterious.— Lauren Vino (@LaurenVino) June 12, 2019
Dating in your 30s: He's an alcoholic.
Dating apps are dumb. I miss the good ol’ days when you’d send a horse-drawn carriage for a suitor and by the time they arrived, you'd died of the flu— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) September 14, 2019
Dating in your 20s: wink, wink, bla, bla, smooch, smooch, love.— Kerry Contrary (@Kerry_Contrary) March 20, 2019
Dating in your 30s: My love language is acts of service, I'm a saggitarius & I'm too busy to speak to you for the next 6 days.
On a first date, PLEASE find a way to say your own name in conversation several times (I have probably forgotten it)— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) June 17, 2019
A Dating App only for introverts where they talk awkwardly, it's called Mumble!!!— sumaira shaikh (@sumairashaik) October 31, 2019
Fave dating app = Ouija board— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 30, 2019
Best part of being single is u can stay up late reading about escalator fatalities on Wikipedia with your phone's brightness all the way up— Greg Sprinkles (@GraceSpelman) June 9, 2017
It is unnecessary for a guy on a dating app to specify that he's only in town for a few days, that is more than enough time for me to ruin your life— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) September 19, 2019