These are amazing times. We have smartphones connecting us with just about every facet of society — food, clothing, shelter, work, art, literature, science, entertainment, activism, religion, friends, relatives, dating, travel, you name it.
Nearly limitless information, ultra-personalized experiences, previously impossible relationships and infinite modes for creativity are all at our fingert — aaand you're playing Candy Crush, aren't you?
C'mon, people! Here are some other times when your smartphone didn't make you smarter, despite its best efforts.
1. You have access to seemingly infinite amounts of knowledge...
Which you use to settle bar bets.
2. You can keep up with almost anyone, helping maintain relationships across the globe...
Which reminds you -- you haven't stalked your ex lately.
3. Artistic freedom is yours on a smartphone, thanks to some pretty advanced tools...
Which for you means sending hilariously pointless Snapchats. That's art, right?
4. Books, newspapers, magazines — your smartphone has almost anything you'd ever want to read...
But there's also Candy Crush. When are they turning that into a novel?
5. You can chat with almost anyone on the planet at the drop of a hat...
But mainly it allows you to text people standing only feet away.
6. You have a personal secretary in your pocket, so you can spend more time in the real world...
But instead you fight the real world, and it wins.
7. You have a wide variety of opportunities to make romantic connections...
8. Smartphones can keep track of important dates, like birthdays, anniversaries and appointments...
But this is what you use it for.
9. Your smartphone has a high-tech camera, plus apps with artistic filters and enhancements...
Which you use mainly to take selfies that have no need for enhancement.
10. With emailing and texting, you can become a master of the written word...
Which you don't need anymore, because emojis!
11. Music, videos, graphics — art of all kinds are seamlessly accessible on your smartphone...
And you're just looking at porn.
Listen, no one's saying to have to be a scholar 24/7. But, you know, maybe explore the space a little?
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