Tell your loved ones goodbye and prepare for Armageddon because Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is releasing music under the pseudonym “Yung Mommy.”
“Here it is. My first music video,” the “Jersey Shore” star wrote on Instagram. “I’ve decided to be an ass and record a song about my life and being a mom and shoot this fun and hysterical music video to go along with it. I hope I win a Grammy for this one. YOUNG MOMMY, OUT.”
Words fail to describe what exactly transpires in the two-minute clip dropped on Wednesday night, but we’ll try.
It’s a little bit of this ...
.... a sprinkling of that
... and a lot of “Avatar”-worthy green-screen work.
Inspired by her life as a young mother to her two children, Lorenzo and Giovanna, Snooki spits about stretch marks, saggy nipples and breastfeeding.
“I used to be so wild / I was the life of the party,” Polizzi raps (?), referring to her days of smushing on the shore. “Now I’m all grown up / So instead they call me Mommy.”
The rest of the “Jersey Shore” crew, of course, gets a shoutout, as well as Mr. Snooki, Jionni LaValle, whom she married in 2014.
“Late nights getting reckless with J Woww Sammy and Ronnie/ All these dudes were hopeless but then I met Jionni,” she sings. “I’m a mommy with attitude / No time for a hater cause they too rude.”
OH MY GOD IT’S STUCK IN OUR HEADS.