So You're Dating a Narcissist

Portrait of young female
Portrait of young female

I'm sure all of you, at one point in your life, have dated a narcissist.

I had a wonderful run with a narcissist.

Narcissistic behavior is very familiar to me from when I was growing up.

My grandmother on my dad's side was a complete narcissist. Grandma Frankie was a woman who was never wrong, ever.

This woman knew everything about everything.

The funny thing about Grandma Frankie is that she really was white trash from Indiana that happened to marry a guy with money.

And she became this wealthy New York City woman, who went to the opera and knew everything about everything, but deep down, she was white trash.

She read the New York Times cover to cover every day. She researched everything. She would have loved to be alive with the Internet. When she formed an opinion about something, after lots of research, there was no other opinion she would ever entertain was a possibility.

I remember as a kid, I remember talking to her and trying to offer a different opinion. But it would always be no. I was wrong.

Grandma Frankie was never wrong, and she never apologized.

Narcissist.

Sound familiar?

When you date a narcissist, they will never, ever apologize. They're simply never wrong. They can't possibly imagine themselves being wrong. Even if they are wrong, they'll never admit it.

Every conversation the two of you have, they will twist reality to suit their needs. When there is conflict, it will always be your fault. Any destructive behavior that causes a rift or a fight, is yours and yours alone.

If they are angry, they will ask you why you're so mad.

They thrive on emotional drama with you. They love it. As a matter of fact, it feeds them and makes them feel really validated. They actually thrive on it.

When they sent you a text at the beginning of a conversation, they find a way to poke you, because they love the game of mental manipulation. It proves to them just how much smarter than, well everyone, that they really are. A narcissist really believes they're the smartest person out there, no matter what. And once they've formed an opinion about something, an opposing view or difference of opinion is just plain stupid.

What they believe is right for themselves, is right for everyone else. Period.

They love to battle. Narcissistic behavior.

Sex with a narcissist? Same way.

They're either in the mood for it or they're not.

Seducing a narcissist is only about when they're ready for it. And if you don't seduce them just the way they want to be seduced, or don't come onto them the exact way they like it, they won't get turned on.

It's because they like control in every way. Their way is the right way and the only way.

With their kids, they enjoy controlling them, too. Their kids are merely a byproduct of their own narcissism, a reflection on how smart and how great they believe they are.

I watched how my grandmother controlled my father. She made him feel like a little boy his entire life.

My grandmother controlled the man that she was with. She wanted a man that she could control, a man that wouldn't talk back, a man that would do whatever she said. Narcissistic behavior.

A narcissist can't stand being in a relationship with someone that has an opinion.

They enjoy the daily battles. As a matter of fact if you look back at a narcissist you dated, you will see that everything turned into a battle. When you express a feeling or an emotion to them, they come back with how they felt and how much worse it was for them, how much more powerful their emotion was than yours.

That's a narcissist.

I remember growing up with my grandmother I would say things to her and she would find a way to turn it back on her.

Narcissistic behavior is common among people who are deeply insecure and have confidence issues from childhood. They usually didn't feel wanted as a child so as adults, they need to feel in control. My grandmother never felt wanted in childhood.

Her dad said she was the ugliest one of all her sisters; he used to put her under the table; she looked like a dog. So in turn her whole life was about controlling. She was never going to allow herself to feel vulnerable again, because vulnerable didn't feel right for her. Vulnerability meant that she was out of control.

They learn to stay in control because a traumatic event happened in their past where they felt vulnerable, and vulnerability is something that they can't handle.

If they were vulnerable in a relationship, they would have to love another person and be loved. They don't know how to do that.

They give love to their children because they can control them The minute their kids become more independent, they start to panic and freak out.

My grandmother controlled my father. She would make him food, she would call him everyday, she would baby him. And he was an adult, completely grown up.

I always thought my dad should have a pacifier in his mouth and walk around with it 24/7, because his mother controlled him so much. I remember one time he tried to fight back.

My brother and I have a sick sense of humor and we connected them on the phone one time. We dialed both of them, connected the phones and they thought they called each other. My father snapped at her after the third or fourth time doing this and said, "mom you just don't leave me alone."

My dad was a narcissist, because he learned it from my grandmother.

If you think about it, a narcissist is a person that lives in fear. They can't look in the mirror. The number one thing I've found about narcissists is they never, ever apologize.

It is all about them, it always is. You'll never win.

If anything of this resonates with you, or triggers you and you think that you might be a narcissist, don't worry, you're not. A narcissist would never imagine they were culpable.