Social media can be a great way to share our lives with friends and family. Whether it’s different events we have attended, pictures of our children and special occasions, or just our everyday life, we use these medias to share with others. Family is often one of our biggest fans when it comes to social media, however, does this also include your in-laws? And should it include your in-laws when you don’t have the greatest relationship with them. The answer is—that depends. It depends on what your overall agenda or purpose is and how you want to use these different forums. To help you make the most of whatever social media forum you choose, here are some dos and don’ts to help you maneuver through the potential “family” landmines of social media and texting and help you create a drama-free social media/text environment:
Dos and Don’ts with Social Media and Texting:
- Regardless how you feel about your in-laws, if you have other in-laws on your social media, then include your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. Leaving them out will only create a bigger wedge between you and her, and it will hurt your relationship with your husband or son.
- Do not rant or say negative things about your in-law on social media no matter how angry she makes you. You know she will see it! Keep in mind too, you are making a private matter public and, you cannot undo it once you have done it. Additionally, some food for thought—Is making your issues with your in-law public in this way your own attempt to get others on your side, against your in-law? Hmm….maybe…just a little?
- Once you have included your in-law, do not “unfriend” her or take her off your social media forum. Yes, you may be angry with this her and want to hurt her, but doing this only creates more problems and can be irreparable. Again, think about how your actions will impact others in the family, especially your husband or son.
- Don’t use social media as a way to “fight” with or get back at your in-law. Be careful, this makes you look bad, not her! If you are upset with your in-law, talk it through with her; airing your grievances in such an open forum will only create bigger problems.
- If you have told your in-law that the only way you want to communicate with her is through text, then respond when she texts you. Saying that this is how you prefer to communicate is fine, but if you then ignore her text and choose not to respond, you are displaying passive aggressive behavior.
In fairness though, we all tend to rationalize our actions when we do things that don’t feel good to other people (for example: I’m too busy to text back), however, most of us know if something is important to us, we do it.
So think before you decide how you want to handle your social media. Consider it an issue-free zone so that no matter what is going on in your relationship with your in-law, this is an area where the issues will not influence your actions toward her. The positive aspect of sharing different parts of your life with others (even your in-laws) through social media is that you do not have to do it individually. You can do it once—for all to see.
If you would like to contact Dr Brann, you can do so at questions@drdeannabrann.com. To learn more about the MIL/DIL relationship you can read her books Reluctantly Related: Secrets to Getting Along with Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law and Reluctantly Related Revisited: Breaking Free of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Conflict.