I'm sat here, in Nandos, alone, with no make up on and a large Pinot!
There is something so freeing when you get to the point whereby you are comfortable asking for 'a table for one'. Even a few years ago I would have shuddered at the thought of looking like some sad loner who had completely let herself go eating mediocre chicken in what is essentially a youth centre, bare faced! Yet here I am. And actually feeling pretty darn good about it.
I'm looking around at the over (fake) tanned girls and the Essex boys with their hard as nails exterior and bright white Fred Perry flats, and I'm thinking, I'm glad I've grown beyond the need to 'fit in'.
The path wasn't always so easy, and some days I'm still reaching for the mascara before reaching for the toothbrush, but today and in fact most days I feel OK to be me.
How does the saying go... "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." A saying that I've taken quite literally and apply to all my current relationships (except my kids, they're getting me no matter what, I couldn't breathe without them).
The reason that I'm sat 'comfortably' on my own, enjoying a peaceful (barr the Mexican music and the blending of a million conversations) glass of wine, is that my circle is small. It's all about quality over quantity, it's invite only and if you're invited, you're lucky, or cursed, either way, you're here because I want you to be.
I had spent far too many of my adult years, facilitating. Facilitating others behaviours, negativity, self indulgence, until I realised that these very people were impacting on me. They were projecting an image onto me of who they needed me to be, thought I should be, not who I actually am.
My exclusivity is not exclusive, I am pretty hardcore when it comes to cutting the wheat from the chaff, you could be a friend, an ex partner, a member of my family, even my own mother didn't make the grade! (Long and painful story).
We are in this world for one short period of time, is it not more important that I spend that time pleasing me instead of pleasing them?
So for those of you that didn't make the final cut, I thank you, I thank you for giving me the strength and clarity to enable me to be sat in a 'hip joint' alone, bare faced and confident in me.
And for those of you who are along for the ride, you are an integral part of 'me', you nurture me, you grow me, you allow me. I thank you!
If you're thinking that this blog is all a bit 'me, me, me' you'd be absolutely right. In my life, I hold myself in pretty high esteem, I'm alight with being me and I openly admit what's best for me and I make no apology for that.
Be happy to be you X
*off home to wash pants and cook dinner, 'me' will resume in a week or so when I next escape, may go for bare faced pizza next time!