Divorce

Some Unsolicited Financial Advice For Amber Heard

We were all so sorry to hear about your troubles with Johnny Depp. We love his acting, he’s extremely gifted, almost a genius I would say, and it’s not always easy to live with a genius. Just ask my husband! (Kidding.)

However, I do think you are making a huge mistake by giving the entire $7 million from your divorce settlement to charity. While I admire your altruism, this would be a very poor decision. I would advise you to do the following instead. (I just hope it’s not too late.)

1. Take one million of the $7 million and start your own charitable foundation. Start the Amber Heard Foundation for whatever the hell you like, saving kitties in the rainforest, for all I care. The important thing here is you control your life and your finances, and you control your charity.

2. Take another one million from the $7 million and start your own film production company. Panther Productions (for example) could be a wonderful instrument for producing independent shorts, features and/or documentaries of your choosing. You can act in them or not, whatever you wish.

It seems to me the easiest way to control the outlets for your acting (and there’s no doubt you are a gifted, talented actress), is to have control over what productions you are involved in. Green light the ones you are passionate about, and really become involved in all stages of a film’s evolution. You have the talent and looks to do it, and do it well, as long as you are careful to only get involved with talented, honest, reliable people. Also, always get someone else to put up some financing for your projects, too, the majority of it if possible.

3. This will leave $5 million for you to invest wisely and conservatively, and with any luck you and your children, if you ever have any, would be supported in a comfortable lifestyle for many years to come. But your millions must be well managed. Make sure you get someone you can trust, or oversee your finances yourself. Beware of scam artists and investment advisors who are only looking out for themselves. Educate yourself about financial matters, you can do it! Also consider the tax implications. As they say, it’s not how much you earn, it’s how much you keep! (From the taxman.)

You’re a beautiful, interesting, talented lady, and you deserve every happiness. Don’t give away your power! Money, youth, talent, these are all powerful assets, use them wisely. And you are likely nearing the peak of your earning power right now, unless you turn into some kind of Meryl Streep and have a long, impressive career, but that is rare. So I would advise you to keep the $5 million and live off that through good times and bad. Even a conservative return on the $5 million would yield about $250,000 a year. Combine that with the $9 million you reportedly have already (and I trust have invested wisely), you could be very comfortable indeed, providing you live within your means.

You were married for almost a year and a half to Mr. Depp. Considering his vast fortune, reportedly $400 million, the $7 million settlement was minimal, and you deserve every penny. Don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks, think for yourself and for what’s right for your life. Between the cost of living, cars, insurance, taxes and the cost of advisors as well as travel, clothing and housing bills, your money will go very fast indeed.

Take control of your life and your finances, and you will be strong and successful and not have to worry about what anyone else thinks. You will hold the keys to your future. You are a beautiful, interesting young lady, and deserve a wonderful life. Don’t pay attention to the headlines, just be a good person and live your own best life.

As for Mr. Depp, he’s an excellent actor we all admire, but even the best of us have moments we regret. What happened between the two of you is between you both, and really none of our business, the huge celebrity gossip industry notwithstanding.

So Amber, go ahead, write a book, star in a movie you helped produce and finance, take a trip around the world, buy a farm, record a punk album, whatever the hell you want to do. But don’t give all of that money away. I’m sure your parents, friends, and family would approve, and I very much hope you live happily ever after.