Someone who hates one group will end up hating everyone - and, ultimately, hating himself or herself. Elie Wiesel
A few months ago, my daughter's school was vandalized by a swastika and next to it was a phrase associated with Nazism. The school immediately had an assembly for the middle school and high school to discuss the situation with the students. I was fortunate to be able to attend the middle school meeting. The school did a good job discussing the power of symbols which led into an important conversation of the history of the swastika and the holocaust. After a period of silence, the children, who were between the ages of 11 and 14, had an opportunity to speak their feelings about the matter. The students were incredible. Their comments were filled with love, tolerance and an appreciation for others who are discriminated against for their religion, race or gender.
As I sat there listening to these openhearted children, they sounded so different from the intolerant speech we hear on social media from politicians, their supporters and even some of our friends. I started to think about how hate first enters and consumes our hearts. Hate can first show up in our lives through an experience that makes us feel an emotion that we either can't process or let go. It can show up as anger when we don't get what we need from our parents or a friend or when someone else gets more attention, money or opportunity than we do. Hate can also enter our lives through fear for our safety or the safety of those we love, fear of not being able to support our family, or fear that someone's beliefs or actions will harm us economically or socially. The list of where anger and fear come from is endless and it is our reaction to these types of emotions that determines whether it turns into hate.
Anger and fear that turns to hate may not be harmful and might be a fleeting emotion that passes like the wind. But when our emotions turn to hatred it can last longer and become more insidious. The feeling of hate moves us in unpredictable directions and taints how we feel. We believe we can manage our hatred for a person who hurt us or a group that harms people around the world, but hate colors the heart dark and seeps into every part of our lives. We work so hard to create certainty and security in our lives, and as we move towards hating we start to lose control of the very things we seek. Hate creates the ultimate uncertainty.
It's also easier to let our anger or fear turn into hate than to find tolerance and compassion for a person or situation. It is easier to put a swastika on the wall when no one is looking than to try to understand and work through our feelings towards a particular group. It's easier to block Facebook friends who don't agree with our views than to hear what they have to say. It is easier to call names and disparage someone for their ideas, looks or gender than to try to find common ground. We think we are taking control of the situation by our actions, but hate makes us powerless in dealing with everything we don't like, everything that scares us and everything we don't fully understand. It destabilizes our situation because hate goes from an emotion we feel to a dominating force that controls us. Hate first imprisons our mind, then our hearts and then the spirit of what makes life worth living. There is no wall and no border that can block the power and spread of hate. Hate is the enemy of a humane society.
We still need to protect the safety and virtue of our families, friends and communities, but we should continue to try to find a way to make decisions and take protective actions that are not made from the chaotic and unpredictable nature of hate. Just like those children in middle school, we all have the capacity to have an open heart and choose compassion, tolerance and understanding for those around us. Sometimes it is not the easier choice when we are angry or afraid, but it is the path to maintain our freedom and humanity.
Rest in Peace Elie Weisel. You bore witness to the worst hate and chose the road towards peace.