We all spend a great amount of time calling bullsh*t on each other. We talk a lot about how we don’t like lying or lame excuses from other people and that we expect people to say what they mean and do what they say.
But what about ourselves? How much time in a day do you or I spend calling ourselves out on the lies we tell to others and to ourselves?
How many times a day do you say you’re going to do something and you just put it off? How often do you complain about your life, job, or relationships but do absolutely nothing about your situation or mindset to change it?
Aren’t these the very same things we say we won’t tolerate about others?
I’ve started to learn how to call bullsh*t on myself much more often and to tell you the truth, it’s helping me judge others less and motivate myself more.
Is it anyone else’s fault that I didn’t get up super early this morning to work out? Nope. How about that lie I tell myself that if other people didn’t stress me out so much my life would be more peaceful? Um, no. Both of these issues are completely within my own control.
You can spend your entire life blaming other people for your troubles or using them as emotional scapegoats but, in the end, it’s ultimately ourselves as individuals who have to deal with the consequences of our own choices and reactions to life.
This goes for romantic relationships as well. If you’re continually picking people who let you down, perhaps you should either take a break from dating altogether or reconfigure your selection process.
Most of us run on reaction. We spend all day reacting. We react to the flat tire we got on the way to work, the temper tantrum our kid threw on the way to school, the grumpy attitude of our boss, or that inconsiderate thing we think our partner did to us.
We expend so much energy reacting to the things other people do and say that we rarely stop and reset to where we should be — which is somewhere between knowing our limits and setting boundaries.
If we don’t take the time to evaluate how much of our mental and emotional fuel is spent reacting versus being sincerely engaged then we’re bound to end up drained or irritated.
It’s uncomfortable to say no to people. It can lead to awkwardness. Many of us would rather lie or make up an excuse than actually say, “No, I don’t want to spend my time doing that.” In fact, we probably use more energy covering up our true feelings or avoiding situations rather than just saying what we really mean.
You don’t have to be rude or arrogant to be honest. You can get to the point and use kind words while being respectful. In the long run, you’ll save yourself so much time, angst, and stress if you just come clean with what you really want and don’t want.
When you run around making random commitments or plans with people without fully wanting to be committed, you’re essentially lying not only to them but to yourself. You may do it because you say you’re a “people pleaser” but that’s just bullsh*t. The truth is that you just don’t want to deal with the concept of saying no.
Saying no to others doesn’t have to be a negative experience. It can actually teach you and the people around you that your time and energy are valuable.
So, the next time you find yourself being stretched thin and highly irritated at yourself or at others — stop and reset. Is what you’re doing useful to you or anyone else? Are you lying to yourself or those around you to avoid confrontation?
Don’t be afraid call bullsh*t on yourself. It may improve your life in ways you never thought possible.
More from Michelle: 5 Ways You’re Sabotaging You’re Relationships (And What To Do About It)
Visit Michelle at The Pondering Nook for blogs on life, love, marriage, divorce, parenting, step-parenting, body image & more! Also Catch Michelle co-hosting at The Broad’s Way Podcast on similar topics.