COMEDY

Sorry, All Other Suitors, Daenerys And I Are Basically A Couple Now

Our love burns like the fire of a thousand dragons.

This week Emilia Clarke, best known for her role as Daenerys Targaryen on HBO's "Game of Thrones," gave some very down-to-earth criteria for the type of guy she's looking for:

Genuinely my ideal man is someone who, I know every woman says this, but I mean this from the bottom of my heart, someone whose brain is as big as their funny bone,” said the “Game of Thrones” actress. 

She added, “I want someone who is super smart, can make me laugh, has, like, a dad bod. I don’t need no six-pack. Like, I ain’t kicking it out of bed for sure, but every character I’ve been with has been too perfect.”

Well, Emilia and I would like to announce that this long search of hers -- sorry, ours -- is finally over. Based on the qualifications, that ideal man is me. Let's take it point by point.

 

Make you laugh / funny bone? Check.

Let me just very subtly direct your attention to the top of the page, while I pretend to stretch. 

NBD.
NBD.

Now, does this mean that I'm the funniest person she'll ever meet? Yes.

 

 

Super smart / brain as big as funny bone? Check.

I'm wicked smart. Just look at me in a lab with scientists and beakers and stuff. I fit right in, like I could do science and junk. And look at how big my head is! You know there's plenty of brain matter in there.

I can't stress enough how un-Photoshopped this is.
I can't stress enough how un-Photoshopped this is.

 

Dad bod? Check.

I don't have any kids, but my dad bod is undeniable and, dare I say, irresistible? Oh, I dare. And this isn't as dad bod as it gets. For you, Emilia Clarke, I'm willing to go even dadder.

 

No six-pack? Check.

I can promise you here and now, Emilia. As god is my witness, I will never have a six-pack. I swear it on the life of my belt.

 

Oh, gosh, how did this photo get in there?!?

That was meant only for Emilia, but when your love is on display for all to see, these things happen. I won't apologize for our love!

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