The insanity on Fox News reached new heights this week during a three-minute debate on "The Kelly File" over a controversial piece in Slate by Aisha Harris, "Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore," which also suggested that Kris Kringle become a penguin instead.
Host Megyn Kelly, visibly perturbed, stared into the camera and delivered a stinging declaration:
"For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is maybe just arguing that we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids."
But wait, there's more. Cupping her hands to her mouth as if she was telling us a secret she semi-whispered: "Jesus was a white man too...I mean, he was an historical figure, that was a verifiable fact, as is Santa...I just want the kids watching to know that."
To this I say...thank you Megyn Kelly, for not just bringing this supremely important issue to the forefront of America's fair and balanced news network, but for establishing the facts, something for which you, your colleagues and your boss Roger Ailes pride yourselves on with great masturbatory fanfare. And as we all know, nothing says "verifiable facts" like "Fox News."
But then it gets even nuttier. Contemplating the penguin suggestion, an incredulous Kelly barked, "Ok, that's where she goes off the rails!"
Lending some scientific back-up was fellow Fox commentator Monica Crowley: "First of all, the penguin would never work, Megyn, because a penguin cannot lug all of those gifts around the world!"
That's right, Monica, only Santa can! But wait...we're talking about the same guy, right? The big old fat dude who toils for a year with a bunch of elves and then streaks through the sky in a reindeer-led sleigh while sliding down and back up chimneys to deliver presents to every Christian home in the world? That guy?
I hate to break this to ya Megyn, because clearly your love of the Kringlemeister runs deep, but Santa Claus is not real. He's a figment of our imagination and fantasy. Therefore, he can be whatever the heck we want him to be. Even a penguin.
But Kelly, so quick on her Caucasian feet, defended the status quo: "Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change."
Yes it does, Megyn. Just because white people have concluded that Santa is white doesn't make it right, a fact or a status that's immune from change. It doesn't matter what he's 'always been.' I'm sure prior to 1865 there were a lot of white folks who said about slaves, "but they've always been slaves!"
To be sure, Kelly's Santa segment was great entertainment...even providing my all-time favorite Fox moment, which came at the end from Crowley: "You can't take facts and then change them to fit some sort of a political agenda." Talk about 'going off the rails'...