Soulless, Greedy Bastards of America: We're Tired of Being Villainized

NEW YORK - Twelve of the nation's top soulless, greedy bastards gathered today in Manhattan to announce they're sick and tired of being villainized by politicians and the American public. The group included top execs from AIG, GM, Citigroup, Goldman Sachs, and others. They made a brief, tearful announcement in which they said they've been called horrible names in the media for the past several months. They stated that the joy they get from the millions and millions of dollars they've taken home while America sinks into near-depression does not compare with the pain they feel when someone calls them "evil." As one AIG exec put it, "We may be greedy, and we may be bastards, and we certainly don't have souls; but you know what we do have? Feelings. That's right, feelings. And no soulless, greedy bastard likes to have his feelings hurt. So please stop the villainization. We all need to come together to turn our frowns upside down."