I recently started talking to this new, lovely young gentleman. He is very friendly and polite but takes forever to respond to a text, so I often find myself drifting into the land of “what if.” What if he asks me out for this weekend, but I already have plans? What if we happen to get together and are a couple by the holiday? What am I going to get him for Christmas? What if he is the one and this is it? Where are we going to live? What if my friends don’t like him? What if he is a lousy kisser? What if he doesn’t enjoy Harry Potter? Why am I getting so ahead of myself?
The land of “what ifs” is the reason why we end up so disappointed in relationships. We get so ahead of ourselves in a relationship that we forget what is happening in reality. With that, we set the bar of expectations too high because, in this mystical dream world that we have already created, we are forgetting about what is happening right now. On top of that, the relationship that we are dreaming about is most of the time a whole lot better than the real version, only leaving us in disappointment and bitter when those things don’t actually happen.
If you find yourself being the type of person to build up a relationship before it even has a chance to start, there are some things that you can work on to fix it. First off, stop using your spare time to daydream about your potential man. Keep yourself busy to avoid your mind wandering to the bad place where only good things happen to your relationship. Second, don’t let your friends build up your momentum. Your friends want nothing more than to see you happy, so they are wishing you the best and building up hope for you in all the wrong ways. Third, you are too much. Knock it off! Whether it be too analytical, too eager, or too scared, you have to tone down your “too much” zone, so you don’t cause yourself a panic attack or cause him to run off fearing that he won’t make it out alive.
JUST BREATHE AND GO WITH IT!
In conclusion, don’t daydream about your “future” relaionships. Stop getting ahead of yourself and focus on what is happening in front of you. Who knows where this relationship is going to take you. Maybe this will be it, and this guy will be the one for you, but it can also end right here and now as you are reading this. Give you and your partner a chance to get to know each other and figure out if you are both a match. Dating is all about taking your time and trying to see if this can really work in the long run, so pump the breaks and slow down enough to see what is happening right in front of you.
Originally written by Kristen Buccigrossi on unwritten!