“You can’t let Florida make health decisions for the entire country!” Colbert said. “That’s not smart ― the Florida food pyramid is just gator jerky and meth!”
Colbert noted that the judge said masks clean nothing but “at most, it traps virus droplets.”
“That’s the mask’s job, you dummy! So my droplets don’t get on you,” he said. “That’s like saying, ’This diaper is useless. Every time I put one on my baby, it fills up with poop.’”
Colbert then discussed a flight where the captain dropped the mask rules while in the air and included a message of congratulations.
“Congratulations is an odd way to announce the lifting of a safety measure,” he said, then pretended to offer a flight announcement of his own:
“This is your captain speaking. Congrats, the mask mandate has been repealed. While we’re at it, I’ve turned off the seatbelt sign, disabled the lavatory smoke detector, and we’re hosting a knife fight in the cockpit. Cabin door is closed and locked, there is no escape, enjoy the ‘Hunger Games.’ May the odds be ever in your favor.”
“The Late Show” also offered an updated take on the Kool & The Gang song “Celebration” after the mask ruling: